Sobriety & Pride with Myles Sexton

[00:00:00] I thought I was experiencing, like, happiness and

joy, like, prior to being sober, but I feel like that’s not true

You know? Like, the amount of, like, raw joy and happiness that I experience now, and like, it’s just opened me up to just be the best version of myself.

Well, welcome to Dear Queer, Myles. So we have Myles Sexton on the podcast today. They are a multi talented creative director, stylist, and makeup artist known for their impactful work as an HIV, AIDS, and sobriety activist. Woo hoo!

As a

non binary and queer fashion nomad, Myles brings a unique perspective and vibrant energy to the fashion industry.

They are also a prominent tv regular and engaging host on the accomplished podcasts, which we are a

fan of our private bits Welcome

you so here. So, uh,

I we know a

little bit about you, uh, but you don’t know much about either of us necessarily, so we figured it would be a good place to start to just also give you some context for our relationships to to sobriety and drinking, you know, and then and then sort of we’ll get your, uh, relationship as well.

So, well, do you want to start off? Because

Sure. yeah, we can,

this idea

, even the playing field. Yeah. So obviously I’m Lauren, I use, , she or they pronouns. I kind of came to sobriety through, [00:02:00] through my partner, Dev, who, Myles knows as well. Uh, so they’re sober. And when we started, , dating or, you know, hanging out as friends first and then dating, um, um, they weren’t drinking and I thought.

That was great. my relationship with alcohol was kind of peaked in, in university, uh, as many people do. And then I was just kind of like, I don’t really get what the big deal is here. Why are people so obsessed with this all the time? I feel like garbage. And then when Dev was sharing their experience and that they don’t drink and I was like, Oh, this is great.

And maybe I won’t drink for a bit and it just kind of fell off. And then the positive effects of it just snowballed and I love it.

It’s been almost two years and, uh, no, no looking back.

my gosh, that’s so cool. I love that you found yourself like in this, you know, sort of moment together. I think I think that’s so rare to find that in like someone you’re just starting to date, so that’s so

cool.

Well,

great because there’s such a group of us now to where none of us drink and so it’s just so easy. And it’s also really, I think, a welcome space for other people who are maybe trying to stop drinking or challenging and they feel, well, I can’t go to that. I’m like, Come with us. We go out and we’re not drinking and you can do that.

Like it doesn’t have to stop your, your social experience, right? And, and so I haven’t, um, I stopped drinking maybe about a year ago. I, it’s, for me, I was never, there was never any sort of Dependency was similar to Lauren where it was, I just felt terrible, and so I never really, maybe in university I drank more because of social pressure and what not.

But, you know, I was the kind of like, I couldn’t even have two drinks or it would ruin my sleep. And it was like, it was really a health effect thing for me. And now I’ve since also learned, I’ve been on my own sort of little health journey with. blood sugar, and I’ve learned that it’s definitely bad for me.

Like it, it spikes my sugar, it crashes me, so, uh, so [00:04:00] cutting that out is just such an easy thing to do because the health benefits are just so obvious for me. Um, so can you share a bit about your, your current relationship to, to alcohol? I know there can be a lot of weight around even the word we use to describe it, like

if, if people want to say sober or not, so if

you can speak to that a little bit too.

Yeah,

absolutely. So, you know, I’ve been sober now for six years is This year is what I’m celebrating which has

been really amazing,

but I totally agree with you I think there’s so much

I guess just like predetermined like maybe stigma that is around the word sober So a lot of people like are not connecting with it and which is totally fine.

I feel like You know, for me, I think it allows me to help open up conversation. So I do use the term sober for myself, but, um, yeah, I mean, I think it was like a unique sort of situation, I think for myself of how I got sober, you know, I had sort of been like, navigating, you know, I, I, when I moved to Toronto, I was like, definitely like in the club scene and was a bar star.

And that

was sort of like

my vibe of like, okay, I’m going to dress up and make these like amazing costumes. And everyone’s going to like go bananas at the club over what I’m wearing. But like, you know, I was a part of the party and I enjoyed the party of it all, you know? And, um, but I think like as a young person, person.

was also really expensive to try to drink. And, you know, so I sort of like found myself in a lot of spaces where I didn’t have to pay for alcohol. So it was just like, so readily available. And like, you know, that, that was great. Um, at that time, I guess. And, uh, Yeah, I think just like as I got older and like, you know, was trying to be a functioning adult and really focusing in and my career sort of like was taking off it was, I just noticed that it was like harder and harder for me to balance, like, having alcohol part of my life and like, Being alert and [00:06:00] ready and like productive, you know, in my career.

And I think a lot of what I did was so based off of like my physical appearance and like my energy levels and like how I presented and how I would have to speak to the public. So it was, it was really like, I just, I noticed that I would struggle, like. Having to, you know, be drinking the night before and then having to go to work or catch a flight like the next morning at like 4am, you know, so, Um, I definitely like was very sober curious for like many years of my life and, um, You know, I was like, I would go for a sort of months of not drinking and then, you know, I would sort of be peer pressured into drinking again, or I would be at an event and whatever.

So like, you know, I really kind of swayed and then I was dealing with a lot of like health issues, you for like quite a, quite a few years and we were trying to get to the bottom of like what it, what, what had happened and, and like what was going on with my body but we couldn’t figure it out and then I end up getting like a diagnosis that I had HIV and you know at that point I was like extremely sick like my body was sort of like, it was, it was Anyway, it was definitely like shutting down and just like things like the flu or the cold would just like knock me out for like a month, you know, and, um, so it’s definitely like a very scary time.

And I think, I think for myself. At that time, like, my doctor was like, you can’t drink, like, your body needs to heal, and like, you need to, yeah, like, you need to give yourself a break, and I was like, okay, like, but it was really challenging because I think,

for myself anyway, I used alcohol as like a numbing agent, you know, it’s like how I used to cope with things and my emotions, and so it was like really sort of like for the first time where I was like, okay, like, I basically like, Can’t drink for probably like more than a year right now just to like give my body a full time to sort of heal and um, yeah, I think it just like forced me to sort of get into this like uncomfortable conversations with myself that

like That I wasn’t maybe necessarily ready to have and like also I was sort [00:08:00] of processing my HIV diagnosis And yeah So there was sort of like a lot of these sort of components that I guess like all Were sort of happening at one time that kind of like

forced

me into like my sobriety, but I’m so glad that it did.

It’s,

yeah, it’s so interesting, I think, um, in, as I’ve been kind of on this journey and sharing with people, I find there’s a lot of people who are very curious, and, I’ve become almost a, um, like a tuning fork for other people’s stories and experiences with it. Um, and so often there’s this, I, I find it very interesting that so much of drinking is around celebration and things like that, but then the other side of it is like, oh I, you know, I had this terrible experience because I drank so much and then had to do this, or it was like aggravating my depression, or sleep, and all those types of things, and it can be this, uh,

I don’t

know, I find alcohol to be a very, like, hungry thing.

Like, it just wants more and more and more from us. Um, but it’s really beautiful when

you can cut some of those ties and the positive

things that come out of

it.

Absolutely. Because I think now, when I step back from it, it’s

like, why, why is celebration so surrounded around substance use? You know, like, it

makes no sense

to me when you, like, actually, like, are sober and you’re like, look at that. It’s like,

We’re here to celebrate something that’s like joyous and beautiful and like, don’t you want to remember that?

Don’t you want to like experience like every moment of like whatever that

is and

like why are you choosing to numb yourself in this situation versus like truly allowing your body and mind to like experience this moment?

Also, I’ve noticed too, um, a lot more just in pop culture and shows and TV reality, it’s all surrounded. It’s a, let’s have a drink, or it’s like, It’s the parents being like, Oh, I need a drink so bad right now. Like it’s, it’s really reinforcing this kind of dependence and it’s this go to thing, you know, this like, and like in so many shows it’s all about, it’s [00:10:00] centered around drinking or it’s just, it’s the relationship to it.

Like there’s kind of a problematic relationship to it that’s fostered or represented. And actually when you were, when you were speaking before about sort of. Um, approaching sobriety, what came to me too is this idea of like, was part of it that you felt that there was this persona of you, this part of you that, because you were out, you know, at the clubs and, and, and all these things, were you worried that you wouldn’t be that person anymore?

Or like, was there some kind of, in part of that reflection you were doing? Was it like,

am I

still, am I that person? Was I that person?

what’s my DA relationship? Sorry, I’m not really articulating it

well, but do you know what I mean?

get what you’re saying.

you know,

You know, yeah, I think, I think I agree with you. I think there is of it, you know, because I think as much as like,

maybe people don’t look at it this way, I think like now I look at those sort of moments in my life. And I think a lot of those like spaces that are like party focused spaces, I think like collectively as like a queer community, sometimes we’re like, I think a large group of us are like, collectively numbing our trauma together, you know?

And our pain, and like how, and the things that we don’t want to face or like have conversations about. You know, so, instead of like, doing it, we party, you know? And,

so I think it’s like, when you take a step back from that and you don’t, you know, You’re like, Oh, I don’t want to drink and I don’t want to be a part of that.

It’s interesting. Like how quickly I think like

the, the collective group that is still not ready to maybe take that step back, um, really very much like outcasts you, you know? And it’s like, it’s because they don’t, you’re too much of like a reality that they’re not ready to like, maybe like start processing.

Um, so yeah, I think there is a lot of fear of that. Cause I remember like, you know, like I would start like refusing drinks or I’d be like, Oh, I have to work early in the morning. Like I [00:12:00] can’t drink tonight. And just like how much peer pressure and how much like sort of stigma and like shame I was getting sort of like subjected to.

Um, so I think that was like a huge part of like, what kind of like made me go back and forth so much because it was like, I wasn’t confident enough in myself and you know, my own boundaries to sort of like be able to take, to say no, I guess.

Yeah, and especially if the spaces kind of require, in order to fit in, quote unquote fit in, require drinking, right?

Then it, then it creates that dynamic where it’s like you aren’t, you don’t fit in if you’re not partaking in what everybody else is doing right now. So,

yeah.

I think too, Devin and I often joke when, you know, we’re out and people have these reactions that we’re not drinking, and we often joke that it, it tells us everything about where that particular person is at in their journey.

And I think I found the more that it was like, Just off the table, it wasn’t even a will I won’t I, it got easier and easier. Um, once pe if people think there’s a crack or something like that, like they want Like, alcohol is so powerful, like, it, like, makes people want to bring you in because

it affirms what they’re doing and that they’re doing something that’s good and okay and not

bad and all all these things.

absolutely. Because I think at the end of the day,

like, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not like, Alcohol is a carcinogenic and it’s not good for us, like

period,

you know?

And so like, whether we want to acknowledge that or not, I think that’s always going to be in the back of everyone’s mind. It’s like, you

know, it’s like the cigarette package with the pictures on it.

Like how come alcohol bottles

don’t

have

We know, we know

pictures, you know? Like, it’s just like,

I

don’t know.

You speak a little bit more about not only maybe the resistance you, you faced in approaching sobriety, but also what you find is most common for most people when

they’re, when they’re also trying to, uh, be sober or even just are sober

curious.

Yeah, I mean, I just think that depending on [00:14:00] the

spaces that you go into, there is, it’s just like, it is, it’s sort of, it’s that community peer pressure of like, oh, just have one. Like, you don’t have to drink, you can just have one. But like, I think a lot of people don’t. realize like how one leads to two and two leads to three and it’s just sort of this gateway of

this script that we sort of like I think have created around like alcohol use or substance use and

Yeah, so I think it’s it’s that and then and then it’s again like I think

you’re faced with a lot of other people’s

Sort of like, projections of their own, like, shame or emotions or their experience like onto you. Um, which I think is also really difficult because I think in the beginning,

I was still trying to be within a lot of these spaces and it was really like, it was really difficult for me because I didn’t, I didn’t have like,

Bye. The verbiage, I didn’t have like the confidence to really like have these conversations with people. And like, so it was just easier for me to like have a drink versus like get into this sort of like in depth conversation of like why I don’t want to drink anymore. Um, so, you know, I think sometimes it takes time and I really had to like remove myself for like a long period of time.

And I think it was like a couple of years that I sort of like left the scene and was like, I don’t know if I can be in this like space right now. I need to like, Work on myself before I can like maybe like allow myself to go back

into it.

I need to, like, work on myself.

benefit in that way because it’s like, you know, it’s social lubricant or it gives a reason to get together. I’ve really loved seeing a lot of, at least in Toronto, queer clubs, uh, coming out and, uh, there’s like queer running groups. I know, I think you’re, you’ve, uh, you go out to some of the, uh, uh, queer run clubs in the city and there’s, walk groups and game nights and different things that, um, I think [00:16:00] people are starting to

realize

that we don’t need to base our social hangs around, uh,

alcohol or drugs or,

you know,

this party culture.

spaces like this, you

know, it’s like, I

can’t, and

even, you know, it’s like, yes, it’s such a great start, but like, how are we, yeah, like, how are we like fostering community and support in a way that like, isn’t again, like centered around this, because, you know, I think running groups and games groups and stuff like that are great, you know, but it’s like, again, it’s not for everyone.

So like, how

do we sort of like foster this,

you know,

outside of it, or, you know, create more sober spaces for people,

you know, like,

know, Mm-Hmm. like especially with pride

coming up

is like how we’re

setting up the future generations of our community.

You know, like

I

know? Mm-Hmm. Like,

don’t wish anyone who’s younger than me to like go through sort of the journey that I went through.

And, and, uh, yeah, I don’t know. I think it’s slowly changing,

but

..I

don’t know if we’re there yet.

It’s slowly changing, but I don’t

know if we’re

there

yet.

I mean, like, I think the great thing with Pride is that I don’t think that it, like, yes, there’s, like, types of parties that you can buy tickets for and that you can go to, but I don’t necessarily think that, like, all of the public spaces are, what I love is that they’re not necessarily, like, designed to be focused around drinking, which is great, even though people are drinking on the street or whatever, but, like, I feel like it’s not as much like, in your face, you know, as maybe like, the Pacific, um, events.

So I think it’s just like being mindful of like, okay, like, where, what are the spaces that I’m going into? Like, how am I going to feel in these sort of spaces? And, and that it’s okay, like, if you have to remove yourself, like, from those situations. And I think,

yeah. It’s like also asking for support, you know, like I think that’s one of the things I think sometimes is the hardest is like when you’re with a group of friends and like you’re starting to maybe feel like maybe you’re that you want to [00:18:00] drink or you’re feeling uncomfortable or like that anxiety or whatever is like coming back up, um, that you sort of maybe have to have those conversations like prior to going into these sort of situations of like, you know, I may need to walk away or I may need to go take a break or, you know, um, just to like, so that you’re not having to then have that conversation, like, in the moment, in the party, or whatever, you know, because I think that then that’s when it becomes difficult and you’re sort of like setting the expectation like with your friends.

Um, Yeah, I think that would be like the biggest, the biggest one, I think, for me during Pride and, and yeah, like, there is so many like great spaces that you can go and like watch performances and walk around, you know, like I, there’s so many years I’ve done Pride and I’ve never gone to a party. I’ve just like experienced like what’s happening out and about and getting to watch like some of the performances on the main stage.

So

Yeah, and I know at least in Toronto, I don’t know about Pride’s in other places, but there is a sober space set up too that has their own programming

that’s so cool. I didn’t

can kind of, yeah, so people can kind of retreat there. I think it’s right off of Wellesley, like pretty

Near the 519.

no, it’s um, no, it’s It’s in that little, there’s another little sort of, some sort of church or building, and there’s a big, a grassy space, but it’s right on Wellesley, just outside the, just a couple blocks, like within that block, yeah.

And, uh, and I know they have some programming there, cause, uh, cause our friend, um, has worked on some of the programming. So, so people should know, too, that they have a little space that they could retreat to if they wanted to, that is free from, from all alcohol, right, if they, if they needed that.

I, I often found too, if you do find yourself in a space that is, uh, you know, very focused on consumption and things like that of honestly just having like a sparkling water with a lime

in your hand,

if your drink is full.

Yeah. Is my emotional support

bubbly ?

water

Yeah. ,

What else do we got

I’ve got a question for you. Um, so for folks who may have stopped recently and are perhaps already [00:20:00] on a sobriety journey, I was wondering if you could talk about, um, some of the things you felt after like some of the phases after stopping drinking, I guess I’m, I’m thinking that, it can often, at least this was my experience.

It can often feel really great and empowering, like those physical benefits, like waking up. clear the next day. Like once, once those kind of leave your body and then what you’re left with after, I think there can be this

kind of plateau. Um, but I’m just curious

about kind of your, your journey with that and

any thoughts you might have.

Yeah. I mean, like, I think, yeah, like the body awareness piece

is like,

is like,

so amazing when you sort of like really have it fully out of your system and just like how aware you are now. It’s like, you know, I joke all the time. I’ll like, Wake up in the morning. I’m like, I have a sugar hangover

today because

it’s just like you’re so in tune with your body now Or like I

ate too much salt the night before like I feel it now, you

know And I’m like my body’s telling me like stop eating that full bag of potato chips So, you know, it’s just like I think that like I agree with you.

I think that that’s so cool But I agree. I think like after sort of like you establish this sort of like body awareness You’re like, okay, like what what’s next and I

think

For myself, like, I really have to constantly still do, like, check ins with myself, and I think it’s like, how am I feeling? Like, how is my, like, sobriety, like, maybe manifesting in other ways in my life?

Because, you know, once I became sober, it was like, okay, well, I’m not, like, using substances anymore. But then, like, I started having, like, Way more like random sex and like and

then I

was like, oh, you know, then like a few years later I’m like, wow I’m totally like just replaced out like substances with sex and I’ve replaced substances with like junk food

You know, I’ve replaced substances with shopping and you know I’ve replaced them with like filling my schedule and like my [00:22:00] time with like constantly having dinners with people and like not Respecting my own like Needs of like needing to take time to like recharge so you know I think that that is such a big thing of like that I think I just want to encourage people to be aware of is like

what sort of like scripts are you?

Maybe slightly like tweaking that like

could also like be very much like

Connected to like addiction or like addiction behavior, you know that that we might have or numbing behavior like whatever words that you want to use and You know because still for myself like, you know six years sober It’s like I’m still constantly like still battling with you know Just like where I’m replacing things in my life and and really trying to remove it like, you know like I Like, I now, like, no longer drink, like, caffeine, and that was, like, another big one where, you know, I think I was, like, relying on another type of substance

that we don’t talk

about a

lot, you

know?

So it’s, like, anyway, just, like, things like that. I think it’s just, like, being conscious and aware.

Yeah, having that awareness is a really good point. And I love what you said earlier about, um, bringing people into it. And like, I think when you can kind of recruit allies and all of that as well in the other, and who might hold you accountable, like, hey, that’s great that you’re not drinking. But hey, I also noticed that, um,

this other thing may have taken the place of that.

I

of new pairs of

you guys shoot. I want to see that.

Um, so what would you recommend for people who are just starting a journey towards

sobriety? what are the little steps, big steps that they should

be

Definitely. I mean, I think it’s like, I think knowledge is power, you know? So whether you’re like finding spaces where people are sober or like listening to podcasts or reading books, it’s like, I think that was like the thing that I wish I did, you know, in the [00:24:00] beginning was like accessing more information.

Cause I think like, A lot of the information that I accessed, I accessed, like, after I sort of, like, really struggled for a long time and I was like, wow, if I would have just, like, normalized a lot of, like, my own thought process of, like, why I want to be sober, like, earlier, I think it would have been a lot easier for me to, like, be set up for success.

You know, so I love, I don’t know if either of you have read or listened to, I love audiobooks, so like The Naked Mind or The Unexpected Joys of Being

Sober.

I’m like,

was literally

yes! So good!

a

you know, like those two books, like they rewrote my brain because I was

like, okay, like they just you know, it.

gives just like, not only just like science, but like limited experience.

And

you know, I think it’s just like everyone needs to sort of like dive into that because I think it just like helps.

Just prepare you and gives you a lot of language that maybe you haven’t, like, used or heard before, so.

Oh, especially, yeah, I might actually read a, , there’s a passage in here that I think is just like, sometimes, This book, The Naked Mind, , by Annie Grace, like, just contextualizes things in a way that you just, you’re like, of course! And why didn’t I think of that? So, , she says, you may still think that stopping will be hard, that you won’t be able to resist social pressures, and you will feel deprived.

The truth is, if you decide in your heart and mind that you never again want to be a slave to alcohol, you have removed any indecision. You have ended it. You have ended your cognitive dissonance. You have ended the internal conflict.

I

It’s like, it’s no longer a choice. You don’t have to think about it.

Yeah, I can

see that being so powerful, and that’s awesome.

And I think that’s a really important thing to keep in mind when you’re writing a script is that you’re also centering it on you. Like, what do you want? What’s right for you? Not what’s, not what is everyone else doing at the club or wherever you are. It’s like, what are you doing? Who are you? And don’t change that for the people that are around you.

You know, like, let, they can do, [00:26:00] they can do whatever they want, but don’t change that. You need to do what is authentic and

right for you, and

yeah.

And I think it’s going

community, too, right? Like, it’s like, I think that’s probably the hardest part, is like, people lose community in

the process, and I think

That there is a whole other community of people that you’re gonna

find that

are gonna, like, join you, you know, in this, and you know, maybe that’ll take time, but it’s like, you know, I think the people deserving, I think, of your true, like, your truest, authentic self, you know, are gonna show up for you, and are gonna be there for you, and maybe they’re not gonna be sober, and that’s okay,

but

like, you

I think people that are gonna support your journey are the ones that deserve to

be in your life.

Yeah,

and that might keep a lot of people from trying because they’re worried they’re gonna lose, they’re gonna lose too much, but they might realize that those friends weren’t really good friends either. They were just party friends or whatnot, and like you said, that’s a really good point to just reassure people that they will find a community that is Better, more supportive and better suited to them.

And I think, too, like, friend groups, too, can go through different phases. I mean, , the stuff I used to relate to with, uh, friends from different eras of my

life, we, you know, hopefully they’re evolving, too. Um, We have a, I have a listener question. Would

you be, it’s kind of in that theme.

Yeah. Okay, cool. Uh, coincidentally. Uh, so this person, says both my partner and I drink and a lot of our dates and romantic hangs are focused around alcohol. Lately I’ve been thinking about cutting it out, but I’m worried about how that might

change our

dynamic. Any advice?

Ooh, I mean, this is a big one, I think. you

have like this, like, you know, it’s like bonding, right, that are sort of like

over this, right? But I think, I think it’s just what people

don’t realize is that, like, this sort of like script or like whatever This

is,

whether it’s your relationship or it’s your friendship, It’s like, that can be recreated in a, in [00:28:00] another way, that

like,

serves both of you, I think, and like, and,

I think like stays true to I think who both of you are, you know, so it doesn’t have to be centered around substance use, you know, and I think it’s like people shouldn’t be afraid of like, the journey of discovering like what those things are, you know, so, you know, like with my partner, it’s like, there’s so many like sober activities that we enjoy together and I and I love it, you know, like we go for these like bike rides.

Now we go hiking, you know, we, we like travel together and we’ll sort of like, make, you know, a rule that like, You know, this is gonna be like a sober trip. So it’s just like things like that. Like I think it’s like

Get, like, kind of, like, tap into who both of you are and, like, what are things that, like, maybe bring you joy and, like, try to see if you can experience those together.

It’s like, some of them are gonna be great, some of them are not. Like, you know, Tyler, my partner, has no interest in, like, fantasy novels or, like, anything to do with, like, magical worlds and so, like, you know, I tried to make him watch Lord of the Rings and he just fell asleep and

I was like,

okay, so this isn’t gonna be a sober movie night for us.

it.

You know, but it’s okay, we’ve had other things. So it’s like, I think it’s about like getting curious and discovering parts of yourself that maybe don’t necessarily get to be expressed because alcohol is sort of taking the forefront of like where you’re connecting.

I guess you already know the ways in which you connect with alcohol. And it’s actually exciting because you may find things that you connect on in a whole new level. Um,

My partner Dev and I, on Saturday mornings in the winter now, sometimes go and do a cold plunge.

And I don’t think I would have done that before.

Yeah.

And there’s this like whole group of weirdos who does it and I love it. I don’t know if

I’ll

know if I’ll ever

join you and

join you. I’d get too cold too easily, but I probably should. It’d

probably

be

a good one.

one day.

Oh my gosh. I’m trying to like make a

gold plunge at my place. So

bad.

Really?

Do it.

Yeah, it’s like, yeah, I mean a [00:30:00] whole other side story,

Amazing.

think the key is having something warm

nearby.

Yeah,

Yeah, is there anything else you’d like to chat about or that we missed, or

resources that just dislike or any other books or anything just top of mind that you feel like we should.

Sort of give a little plug

too. We got the Naked Mind.

Yeah, yeah, unexpected joys of being

sober another really great one

 I think I’ve seen that on a bookshelf around here.

We also have, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

by Gabor

I just started reading this

someone else

It’s a big one.

I

did

It’s a thick

Is it? Okay, I’m listening to the audiobook,

so I’m

Oh, nice.

I don’t, I never have any idea of like how

long or

Yeah.

books

are, you

know? Um, but yeah, I just started listening to that one because someone recommended it, but, so it’s always good.

I love, I love sort of like taking these, like every year I try to like at least read one new book or like listen to something just as like a check in,

just to

see if there’s like anything, anything new that comes up, you know? It’s always

so good.

But yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know if I have anything.

I I can’t say, like, I, I can say that it has been the most, like, transformative part of my life. You know? Like, I, I thought I was experiencing, like, happiness and joy, like, prior to being sober, but I feel like that’s not true. You know? Like, the amount of, like, raw joy and happiness that I experience now, and like, it’s just opened me up to just be the best version of myself.

You know, and it just allowed me to have so many uncomfortable conversations with myself and to be able to, like, heal from so much trauma and to, like, reclaim my power over just so much shame and, like, stigma that I’ve felt, like, my entire life that

I’m like, okay, like, you know, I think,

I think sobriety is very much sort of, like, this journey that I think a lot of people do need to take in order to get to this,

this journey. I guess moment in your life where you, you know, can kind of understand the [00:32:00] difference and maybe sobriety isn’t for everyone

and and that’s okay I think we’re all on a journey. I just uh, yeah I know that it’s sort of has what has worked for me and has really just like allowed me To just like be in this moment where I’m so grateful, you know and I look back on it now where I’m like, oh gosh, you know, like I I just I think about my life before and just sort of like what the conversations that I would have with my friends and how much has that changed.

You know, it’s just like now the group of people that are in my life, like, you know, we’re having like in depth conversations on different parts of life versus just like

talking about like how hungover we were or like

how drunk we were, how many drinks we had. And I just like, Now when I’m like in those situations where like that sort of comes up, I’m like, I just don’t relate

anymore, you know?

And I, and I find it so like almost silly that that’s like what was my badge of honor, you know, is like how fucked up I

got. So like, I don’t know. I, I’m just, uh, I don’t, I don’t relate with it anymore. And I’m just like, okay, this is like, like, I just, I just traveled to, you know, like four different countries and like, was able to like, you know, I don’t know, work on this part of my life.

And, and, and it’s like, you know, I overcame maybe the trauma that I’ve been holding around with my parents. And, you know, it’s like, those are things that I’m really proud of, you know, it’s like not, not, yeah, not how much I’ve had to drink. So

was, it’s been so great talking to you. Myles, thank you so much for joining us. Honestly, this

Yeah. Thank you. Really, really helpful stuff. Um, if, uh, folks want to find you and kind of follow along on your journey. , I know we mentioned

your podcast, it’s My Private Bits,

Yes. Our private

Yes. Yes. And where anywhere else people can

find you.

Yeah, so on all social media platforms, it’s Myles Sexton, but Myles with a Y, not an I. Um, yeah, you can find me everywhere.

Awesome. Well, we really, really appreciate this conversation and, uh, yeah, I hope everyone has a good pride.[00:34:00]

thank you again.

thank you so much for having me. This was so

me.

Hi everybody, we have a very important announcement to make. We have decided to make our podcast release bi weekly. you’ll have more time to listen to us, we’ll have more time to get some clips and things out, um, to all of our viewers and listeners, and, uh, we hope you won’t miss us too much.

By

you will enjoy

[Mic bleed]

This has been another episode of Dear Queer. Just a reminder, we are not actually experts. Any advice given should actually come from our experts who we will bring in from time to time.

Music brought to you by Sean Patrick Brennan, produced by myself, Lauren Hogarth, and your host as always, Alena Papayanis I’m cutting that.