Single & Dating

[00:00:00] That was a huge don’t, and I have done

done that.

I’ve done it too, that’s why I’m saying it. Yes. Yes, when it’s

Yes. When it’s too fresh or you just can’t, it just ends up coming out and then suddenly you’re in a therapy session with this poor person who just wanted to go on a first date. Yeah.

​

Today on the pod, we’re talking about being single and dating. I’m single right now, which is a pretty normal state for me, but sometimes people imply that it’s abnormal. Last year at my daughter’s piano recital, I was sitting with some folks I didn’t really know, and there was an empty seat beside me. One of them asked me if my partner was coming.

I don’t have one, I said. Her voice went high pitched as she blushed and awkwardly stumbled through some words that she didn’t really sound like she believed about how it’s healthy to take time for yourself. Why was she embarrassed about pointing out that I was single? Did she worry that she had made me feel uncomfortable, or embarrassed, or abnormal?

And a few years ago, an acquaintance egged me on, Why are you single? You’re such a catch. There are lots of reasons I’m single, I thought. Although, I did agree with his assessment that I’m a catch. A small dating pool, my age, my tendency to pick the wrong people, to name a few. I replied that dating isn’t easy.

I think that’s pretty normal, actually. I don’t feel like I’m lacking a partner in my daily life, but I do in my more difficult moments. That’s when life can feel like too much for one person. Like carrying a heavy item, it’s easier with help. One person can pull while the other pushes, one [00:02:00] navigating so that the other will have an easier time.

Sometimes without that help, a task can feel impossible. Sometimes they are impossible. During the pandemic lockdown, I was often envious of people locked down with partners, even if they hated each other, because they could at least participate in things that required two people, like climbing up a ladder safely, or moving a heavy dresser, or TikTok trends.

Not the dances, but the backcracking. I could dance on my own, but backcracking was a two person job. I would watch videos of people cracking their backs at home with the help of a partner who would manipulate them into the perfect position for a few satisfying pops. I envied the relief they felt at those pops, wanting them for myself.

Some things in this world are a two person job.

​

I seriously was like, as someone who has like a chronic, Spot where I would just love a good crack. Yeah. I was so envious of, of people who could get that right at

crack, I was so envious of people who could get

that right at home. It’s good to take time and what that

Right. Um, just some

we,

we, we actually don’t all need to be part partnered

because the assumption

with that is, oh, okay, yes, it’s okay for you to be single for this set amount of time, but for you to just clock back into the, you know, um,

The system. Yeah, yeah, Yeah. You gotta, Yeah. you gotta clock back into that

Yeah.

Like you’ll, you’ll come back in here soon, right? That’s the

Yeah, just take a bit of time to like wander around a bit and then come on, come on back. You got to come back. Yeah. Yeah. And she was very like so uncomfortable afterwards. She was like all high pitched and like, Oh yeah, no, it’s a, you know, just like so deeply uncomfortable. It was quite remarkable.[00:04:00]

I think though it’s, I mean, I’m sure I’ve said something similar to this, but it just tells you more about where their comfort lies.

Because, you know, they’re, they’re telling you more about themselves than

you are

about them. They don’t know your orientation to being single or not or if you’re looking or not

and, and all of those are valid and like I

 I had them that in somehow.

You know, you’re not a catch or you’re not, excuse me,

maybe actually that’s the reason I’m not partnered is because I’m such a

catch and,

have high standards.

Yeah, that was really funny, um, that kind of assumption. it kind of implies that it’s my fault that I’m single. Yeah.

not like, oh, I’m maybe, maybe what you’re doing is not going to bring anyone

into your

life that isn’t additive. And it’s like, there’s no need unless , you find someone who brings value and is, it’s a level up.

Yeah, yeah, exactly, and it adds value to what you already have going, which is like full enough already, your life, like it’s not like there’s a huge gap somewhere that you’re trying to fill, , which is, I think, a trap that a lot of us have probably been in before where we want someone else as though there is a missing puzzle piece.

Or the approach to dating, if you’re approaching it from, an abundance mindset

versus, I think just being in that headspace opens us up to so much more possibilities. So then you’re not attached to this

of I’m

I’m dating to find a partner, um, or find a person to fill this gap.

It’s like, Oh, I feel really great about who I am and where I’m at and if the right person can fit into that. Like.

Fun for all of us.

I’m at. And the right person can fit into that, like, [00:06:00]

to kind

Yeah, of that idea of any one particular outcome.

outcome. Yeah.

So, okay, what’s, what, what does being single mean to you right now?

I think I’ve gone through waves of like how I feel about it. I’m, it’s normal for me. Like it’s, it’s the way my life normally is for huge chunks of time. Um., But I think I’ve gone through a stage where, like, when there’s more difficult things going on in life and when it would, like, be really nice to have someone around who you don’t have to, like, not that, you know, having, I have friends and there’s people who I reach out to and reach out to me, but just that idea of, like, having someone around who you don’t have to explain everything to and, like, who just is already there to witness it.

Then I’ve missed that. The, the like

The, the like intimacy of

we talked

about that

Yeah, I guess I think we talked about that too in our Loneliness episode and I loved what you shared about, you know Being at the vet with Gus

and them turning to you and it is this , I think there is some innate Like thing in us to be like that drives us for connectivity Whether or not that looks like romantic partnership or could be found through friends or whatever the case may be I think it’s something that it’s like it’s very in us

just that, like, connection and that awareness that someone else is kind of watching out for you or there for you , and that made me really think about that phase made me really

think about how I feel like when you are in a partnership at a certain point, you almost forget what it was like when you were single.

single. Hmm, maybe I’m guilty of that.

I don’t know, like, I’m curious of what you think, but you kind of, because it’s so natural at that point. So, you forget what it’s like until, maybe you do have a breakup and then suddenly your world shrinks down again. [00:08:00] Because when you’re in a partnership,

if it’s

with one person, like, your things are at least doubled.

Yeah. Like literally your wardrobe, you know what I mean?

Especially in, uh,

queer relationships

Uh,

and when you’re of similar size. Your

So like your, your wardrobe, your network, because their people are your people, too, right? And so then it’s only moments when we lose that, or we don’t have that, that we’re like, Hey, everybody

else. I mean, you know, like it’s, it’s

kind of this, Yeah, don’t forget like, Because, yeah, it’s just kind of a, someone there to witness you,

Yeah, and then conversely too, I think, uh, it’s interesting going from being

single, because I spent

plenty of time being single as well, , also I’m going to try and not do the thing where the person in relationship is like, well, now that I’m in a relationship, I know all of the things you ought to be doing, and like, ugh, gross,

Patronizing?

It’s so gross. Um, but like going from being single to in a partnership, um, something that I’ve been thinking about lately is there’s, there’s a self, I don’t know if selfish is the right word, but like when you’re single, it’s like, I do this at

this

time. and

And then now it’s like, Dev and I are getting married and I’m like, Oh my goodness.

Okay. I need to reapproach how I think of , Us as a

unit and the things

that we do, like, okay, I have a vehicle, this is our vehicle now, what is, what does that look like? You know, my default setting might have been, oh, I have the car all the time. I’m like, oh no,

we need to have a conversation. And there’s like, there’s, there’s things you, I don’t want to say give up, but like, it’s just like kind of compromise and, and, and figure out.

 It’s suddenly something you’re including that before wouldn’t have been part of the picture.

So yeah, that might take some shifting around or just like an expansion of views to fit so that everyone can fit

in.

Yeah, like I was, um, I was just so in my routine before, and now I’m like, oh, there’s another person, and it’s [00:10:00] our routine, and we have our individual things, and our partnership things, and like,

kind of a mix of all of that together.

So yeah,

I think it’s, regardless of single, partner, it’s, we’re always navigating

something.

Yeah

I didn’t mean to sidetrack us

towards, uh, partnership and

No, no, no. But that’s, we, I mean we, maybe we should just go so, provided you are dating when you’re single, because sometimes people just prefer even not to date for periods of time, which is, yeah, right, like, , The date yourself? Oh, I’m, I’m a proponent of that.

I love that. Yeah. I’ll date

I do

I date myself all the time. Um. No, I like that. I’ll go out and just kind of bring an notepad and go to a bar or cafe or whatever and just kind of be by myself and sometimes it’s at night or other times during the day, but there’s other groups of people and they’re all chatting and I’m just kind of like out there on my own, do my own thing.

I

think it’s great because I mean, obviously I will, if I say I’m doing it, I’m not going to say it’s a bad thing, but, um, so maybe I’m a little biased, but I think it’s, It’s important to not feel self conscious about the fact that you’re just on your own because if you’re worried about how that’s going to look, then you’re worried about a negative stigma being attached to it or that, you know, you’re don’t have people or friends or,

if

you’re not able to do it, I feel like maybe it’s because you’re worried about the negative associations that go along with it.

you’re worried

about the negative associations that go along with

it. Oh my gosh, yeah, I can just do that. And it felt so amazing. [00:12:00] And I had a seat. But then it was like at this, um, at the Ace Hotel, which is this, , kind of smaller theater venue. And I was like, huh, I’m by myself, I could probably and I just kind of walked.

Right up to the

front and

I was like, oh, I probably wouldn’t have done this

if I was like, oh my I don’t know I just think there’s so many things that it affords you and it’s like yeah, no one cares No one’s looking at whether I’m here on my own. I’m just having a great time because I want to see Ariana

Yeah. I actually love, I’ve been to a couple of concerts alone and I actually love it because Yeah, exactly, you can move around the way you want to, leave, stay for as long as you want, whatever, like, it’s just up to you.

And it’s this, just this experience that is just your own. And there’s like something, I don’t know, I think there’s something really valuable in that, that you’re just like doing something that you want to and not being reliant The fact that there’s, there needs to be someone else there with you to experience something.

Like you can experience things on your own, we do that all the time, right? Like, so, it, it’s not a negative

For

sure and it’s like as you know, we’ve talked about people pleasing on this episode too, and it’s like, oh, yeah If you’re there with someone then you’re like, oh, do you want to stay? Do you want to go? It’s like sometimes I’m like, oh I had just the right

amount. This was the perfect night for me I’m

gonna go home and not stay to the end or whatever it is

Or I’m

gonna go find that next thing and you get to kind of just like lean into your

interests and what you, what you want and need in that moment, which I think can be, can be really

beautiful. So, okay. So, well, big proponents of being single here on the

pod. You are someone who, is interested in partnership and go on dates. I mean, I love our little voice note updates, uh, when

we, when we get them. What’s, what’s, uh, let’s, let’s like shift into dating a bit. Any, any single, single advice for daters?, Is there anything you’d want folks who are partnered to know [00:14:00] about their single friends?

Oh, that’s interesting, I guess so, just from that experience that I had where I really kind of noticed it. , Yeah, like the check ins are valued. The offers are valued, you know, to like drop something off or take care of something for you or come with you somewhere that, you know, if you have an appointment you need to go to or something and it’s, and you know, you’re alone.

Those things I think are always appreciated and just, yeah, just that, anything that signals that awareness that, that, you know, you’re acknowledging that someone is going through something .

Okay. I have a, I have a question. , maybe this is an etiquette question, when you, if I’m Sam planning a dinner or a weekend, um, I mean, I kind of know how, how we do this. Cause like, I don’t know, you’re often with Dev and I,

and I don’t feel weird about it.

I don’t know if you do, but, um, we were planning, um, like a group, uh, outing.

And I realized that like,

all

of the coup it was all

couples, except for one person. What do what’s the, what’s the, what’s the etiquette there? I don’t want to exclude anyone, but I’m like, Oh, are they going to feel weird if they show up and it’s like, eight couples and

them?

that the reason for bringing the date,

only single person. Yeah. was

that the reason for bringing the date, or was it because of the timing, or just the fun, you know, opportunity to play bingo with some queers?

yeah, I mean, maybe it was a bit of, I, might not have, if it wasn’t so obvious that, that I would be the only one that’s good question. I don’t know. I haven’t really like investigated that. Um, but it was more, it was also just opportunity like that.

It wasn’t like a good chance to. to involve someone, but, um,

wasn’t a good chance to involve [00:16:00] someone. Not necessarily time of life, but just sometimes your friend group hits where the majority

of people

are, are partnered, and it, you know, it ebbs and

flows.

People are often in and out of relationships, and, and so the dynamic can shift, whereas like, you might have had a few people who, were single and then so it kind of just felt like this natural thing but then if it can

tilt more towards partnership and then there might be this odd person out and then I always worry I’m like oh my gosh are they gonna feel weird but I’m never gonna not want to include someone because of that because that seems like the worst thing you could

I mean, I definitely love being a third or fifth wheel. I definitely don’t mind. It’s kind of fun.

Like, I’m like,

yeah, let’s go. Yeah, no, I appreciate

Yeah. No. And I appreciate being involved in stuff because it, sometimes people don’t think of you because you’re not part of a partnership.

of you

because you’re not part of the

of couples. Yeah. I guess, I don’t know, but then Do you want

a

So, that’s a funny one, because I wonder if pointing it out Is weird

or not.

Yeah. Because then it’s one of those things where you’re like, just so you know, you one out, but that’s not weird.

But you might think it’s weird, but I’m telling you, I don’t think it’s weird, but I’m still pointing it out to you. So like, that’s a funny one. That is a really funny one. Um, I guess it depends on who that person is and if you feel like they might be self-conscious about it or

Is this, is this shady or sneaky?

Not necessarily pointing it out explicitly, but, you know, being like, this person, and this person, and

this person. Here’s the guest list.

Yeah. Yeah. yeah, yeah. . Yeah. I mean, that’s probably a way to do it. It’d be like, okay, the group has formed, this is the final group, and then you, and then you throw it out there.

Oh my gosh. We can totally get into, um, plus ones, uh, for weddings and

things. Have

you ever been in the situation, , where People try and put [00:18:00] parameters around plus ones of like if you’re with them for long

enough and things

like that and I’m like Give me or don’t give me

one when I was single.

This is how I felt

So they would want it to be a significant enough person for you to be able

excuse me, no you do not

Yeah,

yeah. so you’ve had that?

I Have a friend who went through a bit of an experience

around that and feeling very weird about it And it’s like also if you’re asking I think context matters of like how close you are,

but I think

if you’re asking a single friend to go to a wedding especially if it’s travel or it’s not their immediate friend group,

partner.

you should always give a plus one and it,

to me, it doesn’t matter whether they’re a romantic partner or not, because I think asking someone to go solo to a wedding is not the vibe.

Yeah,

Yeah, no, it’s like you said, especially if it’s not where they

Yeah, I mean, yeah, there’s things at play for sure, but yeah, I think all those questions are, I don’t know, I think that those dynamics and how we navigate them is

is interesting.

 I have a, keeping in kind of dating and etiquette, I have a listener question,

Mmm,

it would actually, I think it’s our first

Audio, nice, nice.

Was cute. , [00:20:00] do you want to go first or should I go?

No,

this is all you.

This is me?

Oh gosh. I

mean, I think there’s no harm in bringing it up, as long as it’s not in a, an accusatory kind of, Yeah, like, leaning into it is where I would probably go, and I think it’s an opportunity

, I think leaning into it is where I would probably go, and I think it’s an opportunity for some

humor.

It could be a good origin story then too. They have, you know, it could be part of a nice, cute story in the

 Oh my gosh, queer community, so small, you just gotta kind of laugh and in the same breath you can probably map your exes and overlapping friend groups and all of the things.

Oh

my gosh, are we gonna do our own Toronto L Word map chart? Is this where we’re going? Oh god, please

please no.

No. Alright, pass. Pass.

Pass. Although

pass.

I am lucky, having lived out of the country for many years, that

uh, my exes are scattered.

That is nice, that is nice.

, any other etiquette things that we can think of?

Mean, should I, what about my story where I lied

where I lied on

It’s a funny thing to admit and it’s, it’s funny cause it’s not. like me, but I did lie on a date, uh, a little while ago. And I think I remember telling you and, uh, the group in a voice note about that. . Let me explain. So, I was on this date and the way questions were being asked was, um,, was kind of a, not exactly accusatory, but it felt like there was a wrong answer.

Mm. Mm hmm.

I remember

yeah, and it wasn’t an innocuous thing. It wasn’t, you know, like something about [00:22:00] fundamentally who I am or what I value. It wasn’t anything like that. It was just like a factual, like a detail that I, that I lied about. I just basically said yes to something because it felt like if I had said no, there was some judgment that would come along with it or some, you know what I mean?

Like it was weighted. I don’t know, anytime I experienced something like that, well, I mean, I felt like it put me on the defense automatically, like it was a weird space to be in. Cause I was suddenly like, yes. And I didn’t even realize I was doing it. And then I was like, why did I do that? I was like, oh, it’s cause it felt like there was a wrong

So

, anytime something like that happens is just always something I try and remind myself of not to do then as well. Like questions where. Asking questions, but without some sort of obvious expectation of an answer, of a particular

answer.

the witness. Yeah!

Yeah,

right? Well, I

even at the beginning of dating, we say all kinds of stuff because it’s this constant kind of, like, you’re sending out little ships to see what, what

lands

Um, I mean I don’t recommend that you lie

so, you’re on this date,

there, you, you get the sense that they want a particular

answer, you, it falls out of

you, you give that answer, is there any coming back from that?

You mean.

What do

did not.

Not necessarily

because of the lie, but it was more that the kind of questioning was a common vibe of it.

And it felt, it just wasn’t the right vibe for

Yeah,

it seems like your energies weren’t

Yeah, exactly.

Mm hmm. So would you, are there circumstances where you think like a little dating more lies okay? Where, should we do some, some do’s and don’ts of

dating?

don’ts.

What are some other do’s and don’ts? Um.

Do voice note your friends after with all the juicy

details.

with the [00:24:00] juicy news? I, I think

I, I think you get back out there, but you get back out there in a very casual way and . You don’t get back out there unless you can be on a date without talking about your ex.

Oh my God, you read my mind.

That was a huge don’t, and I have done

done that.

I’ve done it too, that’s why I’m saying it. Yes. Yes, when it’s

Yes. When it’s too fresh or you just can’t, it just ends up coming out and then suddenly you’re in a therapy session with this poor person who just wanted to go on a first date. Yeah.

Yeah, I also think this is a don’t, which I absolutely did on Dev and Mai’s first date. Um, which is like, you don’t need to get all of your, okay, are, do you want kids?

Do you like, you do

not need to get all of those questions in your first date.

Right?

Like maybe I’m doing first date do’s and

Well, I mean, that’s good too, right? Because that’s maybe the most important date in a way. It’s determines, I mean, whether or not you have a second one and then exp exponentially after

that.

I just think being more playful and casual in those first dates is, is a good way for people to get a sense of

you.

Mm-Hmm.

I think it can be easy for people to get very serious about it. And I, uh, and concerned with. Does this person

fit? And that, that will happen.

But

it’s also like, maybe they’re a

friend

and day one it doesn’t have to be determined in stone.

go on a first date. That’s a good question. Do you have anything come to

Oh, that’s a good question. Do you have anything come to mind?

I probably, okay, I don’t know, it’s kind of made me think of a funny story where I went on this date with this woman and, , the place, the restaurant we went to was kind of just out of the city, um, and so, I was like, Oh, I’ll pick you up. We’ll drive [00:26:00] together. And we got there and I totally forgot my wallet.

It was

so embarrassing and it was a place, , everywhere in LA, you pretty much have to Valley park.

And

at the time there wasn’t like. Apps or any of this stuff and I couldn’t even not only could I not contribute to dinner I couldn’t even pay the valet for the car

ride, but like bless her. She was so sweet about it

Needless to say I did not get

No, aww man, that is too funny.

But you know, she was so sweet about it like I mean I had gone out of my way to pick

up Yeah,

maybe there was some

Yeah, you would think so, because that was, that, you didn’t need to do

that.

Yeah,

we worked in a, in the same industry, um, and so we did actually end up kind of chatting here and there, but there was, there was no dates

after that I don’t know if that was the

the reason or

reason or not, but, yeah,

 I feel like this is just, this podcast as a whole is just turning into me admitting all the things I’ve done wrong.

hey, same here.

Just one huge mea culpa. I’ve also done the thing.

 This was in my people pleasing days, where if I really wanted to see one person in particular,

change

I would like, change my schedule

could see

so that I could see

Yeah, changing your schedule, I guess, too, then you might feel resentful if they then didn’t show or I don’t

know. I feel

like dates at those early stages can be kind of tenuous of

whether

not they happen.

Oh,

will happen because you aren’t yet a priority in someone’s life and now you’re twisting your schedule and prioritizing someone who might not be at that emotional or commitment level with you.

 It just was a sign that I was willing to shift myself and my things around for someone else versus

 Having them fit into what is already there in a healthy way.

Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking [00:28:00] about a Something that I, I don’t know, I enjoy doing in early dating, as maybe I do.

I think I, I really enjoy those like little gestures. Um, I think maybe a don’t is like, I can get, I can get uncomfortable with people like do too

much or like if someone’s like going out of their way to buy you dinner or do those kinds of things and like spending a

lot. But

then , if someone takes the time to write a little note or send a

key, I don’t know, maybe.

No, I know what you mean. Something that’s, that isn’t big, but it’s thoughtful, because the grand stuff can just seem too much, too soon. I’m

big fan of a simple date.

Walks, but then maybe there’s some sort of thought behind it from a conversation you’ve had.

If

Oh, what do you think of early on? If it’s like a first or second date, do you have any, did you have any rules around like weeknights versus.

Week, weekends for dates?

No, not really. I really tried, when I was on the apps, I really tried to get, if I thought there was a connection, I really tried to move to the, that initial in

Mm hmm.

Yes.

I think short, to me, for me, shortening that time really helped.

Like of chatting online before you meet?

Yeah, I agree. I like that too better. Because if you’re chatting online for too long, sometimes it just trails away and then nothing ever happens. Be like, you lose the momentum of, of, of wanting to meet. So yeah, I’m

No, do you, do you have rules? Or, like, even, okay, how soon after a date until you can schedule a next date if you’re, if you’re feeling them?

I mean, I don’t think right away. I think you need to let it breathe a little

a little bit. Are we playing

hard to get?

Like, do you do any of that, that weird

 No, because I know it can feel, I know how it can feel being on the other end of it, so I try not to do that. I mean. You know my Halloween costume from this year,

I do.

so many, most of you won’t, but, um, I dressed basically [00:30:00] in all hospital garb, and I had a sign around my neck that said sick of dating, like that was my diagnosis. I don’t That was like a quite a cynical costume.

hilarious.

It was really funny and that’s why I do a lot of things that I do because I did think it was funny. but I don’t think I’m in, actually in a cynical place about dating

I love

love that. Which is good.

Even,

 Do you mean from October to now

I think so. Amazing. Well I think I just, because sometimes the hard part about dating is just the monotony.

And the repetitive, like another first date. Another first aid. And you might end up talking about similar things or trying to find where to go for that first date. And, and, you know,

It can be emotionally exhausting too, to your essay point of, you’re having to catch someone up on your whole dang

life, and that’s, that’s kind of

exhausting.

It is exhausting. Yeah. So I think. I think if you’ve reached a point where you are feeling cynical, then that’s a time to not date probably. Because you’re not actually going to be open to the positive things that can come from it. You’ll probably be a little closed off if you’re kind of have this like underlying cynicism or bitterness or resentment or whatever it is that’s kind of come from

somewhere.

not able to show up

Yeah, Yeah, So if you can’t be present and enjoy it, then There’s no shame at all in taking a break from it.

love that.,

Okay, so after our last episode

hmm.

, we had some listeners write in with responses to my question that I asked on Instagram, in response

to my question about lessons in love that people have learned over time and I just want to share a few of

I love it,

 So one person said you have to be honest about what you want and need to them and to yourself

Mm hmm.

because a lot of times, you know, we can

kind of be in denial about what we want or just

we can have the [00:32:00] idea of what we think we want, when in reality what we might actually need is a little bit different.

another listener said, I think that being in love on its own is not enough. You both have to want to put in the effort as well.

hmm.

And I think we touched on that a little bit in our episode, in our

we we have some smart

We do.

um, also listeners, please send us your

questions. Please.

We to hear from you.

yeah,

of it.

Another person said, attachment theory, uh, it helped me avoid my own trap of desiring people who distanced themselves. Very classic.

I could, we’ll definitely, I could do a whole episode on that one.

We will be.

we will be. Uh, and then we had one more. They said, believe people when they show you what you mean to them.

Oh, that, that could be

really

be beautiful. Or, on the other side. Oh,

oh,

we’re in our optimism era.

optimism era. Oh, actually there is one more. , realizing the difference between limerence and love.

Wait, what’s limerence?

We should probably do that, uh, an episode on that too. That dopamine phase. Oh, like

like NRE, that little NRE glimmer.

guess so. Let me even look up exactly.

Limerence. State of involuntary obsession with another person.

So can you read the comment again?

the difference, knowing the difference between limerence and love.

Ah, yeah,

So Limerence is more kind of on the lust scale and the kind of obsessive desire.

Yeah. Do I even like you or do I just like the idea of you and now I’m fixated on that.

Exactly. That’s exactly it.

Nailed it. Yeah. Sweet.

Yeah. Well, um, I think that’s it.

Yeah, if you like an episode, please, , actually like it and rate us, share it with someone else. , tell all your friends and please send us your comments or questions as well. We’d love to hear from you.[00:34:00]

This has been another episode of Dear Queer. Just a reminder, we are not actually experts. Any advice given should actually come from our experts who we will bring in from time to time.

Music brought to you by Sean Patrick Brennan, produced by myself, Lauren Hogarth, and your host as always, Alena Papayanis I’m cutting that.