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You’re like the Steve Jobs of lunches with his turtleneck.

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Hello. Happy New Year.

New Year. I don’t know where the years have gone, really. them? All of them. Especially this last one. But, overall, they seem to be getting faster.

Yeah. Is it a case of like before pandemic after pandemic or like, what are we talking here as we get further from that? Or is that

Also, just age, I think.

Yeah. Yeah. It makes you, maybe, feel it a little quicker.

quicker. Yeah. Well, welcome to Dear Queer. Today we are talking about resolutions. , are we making them? Do we have them? Do we hate them?

Are we not into it? Bad for the app, if so.

mean, yeah, seriously, stop listening then.

I mean, I’ve, I don’t, I’ve been, I

don’t, I don’t have them every year necessarily, but I feel like the way I live my life is kind of resolution y anyways. So,

Always working on something. So, controlling resolutions. Most

Um, most of the time there’s something happening.

So it’s not, it’s not like, um, so in a way, maybe it’s more embedded rather than like at the end of every year, I consider what to do.

Do you, um, well first, did you make any last year?

did not.

No, I don’t

I had the, the, the space to, to

I had the, the [00:02:00] mental space to, to do

for this episode too, and they’re good ones too.

I mean, I’ve thought about them for the sake of the episode too. And they’re good ones too. Like they’re ones that I’ve, they’ve been percolating anyways. It’s been things that, you know, um, have been, yeah, just bubbling, bubbling in my brain anyways. Um, should we get, get right into

Yeah, I will say, okay, I’m just gonna say I’m gonna I’m gonna say my piece about resolutions. I kind of like to look at it

Like, I think resolutions can kind of carry some baggage and they can set us up for failure in this way when people just pick like, Oh, I want to, okay, here’s one that I might’ve picked in the past.

I want to be able to sit down at my desk and work for eight hours a day. And that just be totally chill. Like, like that’s never going to happen is, , so I like to think of them, or at least the more successful ones I’ve had in the past is where it’s more of, um, I’m setting an

Yes.

then there’s kind of another subcategory of goals that might be more kind of achievable.

That’s really smart because you have to set yourself up for success for this. And I think that is the mistake that a lot of people make is they set the bar so high or make it feel like such a thing, such a huge thing that if they don’t complete it, it is a failure. And then you’re just made to feel worse than you did when you started out.

Yeah, and I very much believe that if we even just, you know, sharing them in this format and saying that like speaking them out loud to your friends and partners. Um, a few years ago, Devin and I, we actually had a similar intention for the year, which was kind of interesting. Um, was around , just kind of leaning into our queer community and showing up to that.

And by speaking out. I don’t know, I think by like speaking it out loud and like sharing that with someone else, it really did become a reality for us and uh, something that I’m really like proud of and love.

[00:04:00] Yeah. And I think it, I, I think that’s what you did by saying it out loud and to each other was you made yourself more accountable Yeah.

To it and like someone else could hear it then too. I know I’ve done things like that where like, even if it’s a matter of changing a bio on my, to be like, I am this, like when I first wrote like writer, then I’m like committed to that. Then I’m like, okay, so this is. part of my identity. This is what I’m committing to being as well.

And like living this truth. , so I totally get that intent. And maybe we should call it that. Maybe we should call it their new year’s intentions instead of

I’m, I’m down. Yeah. for that answer. Oh, good.

, so yeah, I’ve been thinking, I sort of wrote down a bunch of stuff and then figured out, a couple categories they fall under.

You know what I mean? Cause there were like multiple little things. And the first one on my list is having needs. And like, unapologetically having needs, whether it’s the need for rest

Oh,

taking it and not feeling guilty for it, um, and now in light of, I, so I just got an autism diagnosis a couple weeks ago, too, and that has helped me feel more, almost like, allowing myself to understand what I do need things be like, Oh no, I do need this.

And I don’t have to feel bad about needing this. Or like it’s too different to need this, you know? So just kind of leaning into like, okay, this is what I need in this moment, whether it’s in relationships or friendships. externalizing things, because I think I’ve also just like kept all these things inside, um, for so long and kind of internalized needs and not felt like I’ve been able to, to have them or like, you know, shrink at the idea of, of expressing them.

So that’s one that came out for me.

I love that one, too, because especially for folks who are socialized female, um, you know, we often have to shrink, and so I think stepping into that, and even, you know, being a parent, too, I can imagine where it’s like, [00:06:00] you’re so often propping up and supporting everyone else’s needs, and it’s like, yeah, I truly think that, like, Our, the best version of ourselves is the one where we take care of ourselves and those needs.

So, I, I, I love that. What’s on

what’s on my, okay, well, I feel like you might have more than me. I’m going to have to like slow roll mine out. Okay, so I have, I have one big intention for the year and then I have some, a couple like, like goals. Um, so, which do you, which do you want first? What’s

let’s go, let’s go. Big intentions. Okay. Yeah.

So my, my big intention for 2025 is, , basically just to be more present. Um, which sounds like one of those kind of lofty things, but it’s, Like, I just, I really want to slow down and lean into the moments that I’m in. So, like, next year, Dev and I are getting married, we’re being super gay and having a family wedding at West, as you know, and a friend wedding in Toronto, , but, like, those are, Like, I am so looking forward to it, and I don’t want to like, rush past it or miss anything.

Like, I just want to soak it all up. Um, and, so yeah, I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to make sure I do that, but I’m putting it out here.

I mean, just the fact that you have that on your mind, you’ll maybe notice yourself, like, rushing through a moment or being distracted and be like, oh, no, like, this is it. I’m, I’m in it right now, so why am I worried about that at the moment, you know? So,

it’s the, it’s the thing I’ve been looking, like I’ve been so looking forward to this and , I feel like I’m going to blink and I don’t want to miss it.

I love that. Okay. Well, I can remind you if you Yeah. Um, think,

actually, if I think about it too, that was um, why it was important, uh, I felt a part of why it was important to kind of, I [00:08:00] separate sounds weird, but like kind of focus on family at one, one of the events so that I can just be so fully with them.

I’m so excited for our families to spend time together and get to know each other and not have the distraction of , Oh, well, like I hope my friends are having fun. And then the friend thing is kind of. I can just focus on that and not worry like, oh, is my mom okay? Or whatever, like, what’s grandma doing?

Yeah. Yeah.

that’s a really

Yeah. So I think even just the structure of it is like to keep that like presence in mind. Awesome. Yeah.

That’s amazing. Um, okay. Should I go for another one? Okay. This one is kind of, I didn’t really know how to phrase it. Um, but maybe let me preface it before I give you what I sort of came up for it. So,

in thinking about what we’re doing, We sometimes do when we, like, seek out relationships or, like, dating or whatever.

What we’re looking for is, like, a feeling of excitement.

Mm.

Something to be excited about, right? And I want to generate my own excitement.

Hell yeah!

And so I’ve already started doing that a little bit with, like, solo, more solo travel trips. It’s just like where I’m not, where I’m literally not relying on anyone else in any way to make it a good trip.

Um, it might involve less dating. Like I’ve already cut down on the dating apps

Yeah.

because that just feels like that’s maybe what I’m looking for there too, but it’s, it feels pretty

You’re like, I, I can, I can create

Yeah. Like, so maybe that’ll force me to meet more people in real life when I am out. Um, trying new things, writing, making more things, like making new things, all those things are exciting to me.

So it’s like looking for different pockets of excitement and also like being the, being the generator

Yeah. And like [00:10:00] not having that dependent on some sort of relationship which is outside of your

Yeah, and if, if someone comes in to the script who is, who, who fulfills that and adds, then that’s great, but I’m not reliant on it to fill any gaps.

it to fill in the gaps. The, the, like, cliche er, like, thing, too, is, like, you know, when you’re out doing all those things, that’s what draws people in. Like, uh, what Dev recently told me, too, that, , when we first started dating, one of the things that, uh, Attracting them to me was that, , I, you know, had just finished a film and, had to go to this place and was, like, doing

a lot.

Yeah.

And, but it was, like, oh, this is, , someone who is great on their own and, like, you know, can

Is fulfilled. Yeah. Yeah.

So

I, I, yeah, this is a good one. I like it.

So that’s my second one.

Okay. My next one is a little vain.

That’s okay.

I have gym goals.

Oh, that’s great.

Um, yeah, so I, um, yeah, I just, I have a number for my back squat that I want to

say I’m back squatting. I still have to work on my basics of my back. Um, but that’s sick.

Games.

Gains. I love that.

Swo 2025 . One sec.

I need to go to your gym is what I need

yeah, yeah.

Um, I’m still, I’m still, I have my personal trainer, but still I’m not going enough. Um, okay. And then the third one I have down, I mean, I guess it sort of fits with the first one a little bit, but I just wrote like permission.

That is

, So it sort of fits with the having needs one. So it could relate to like any rest or accommodations that I need. Permission, like literally could be permission to have like the same thing for lunch four days in a row because it saves me so much mental [00:12:00] energy that yes, like why wouldn’t I do

You’re like the Steve Jobs of lunches with his turtleneck.

Yeah. Whereas other people might be like, Yeah, I got it. Like I need something new every day. I’m like, no, that is exhausting and tiring. And if it, it saves me so much energy. So things like that, just being like, yes, eat the same thing. However many days in a row, because it makes you happy actually.

That’s amazing. I think routine and neurodivergence is very helpful.

Yes. Yes. That’s where, that’s where it fits in. But I didn’t realize that. I was like, trying to have all these different things all the time. And then I was like wasting food cause I’d forget was in the fridge and like, because I was trying to have so much variety when really I, what I needed. Yeah. Yeah.

And then it’ll save me the energy, um, permission around, like just writing all, all the things too. I can have a little bit of hesitancy now that I don’t know, the closer that I get to maybe. some things being published that I’ve written. Like that can make me a little nervous to be like, Oh, who’s going to read this and maybe not like this.

Or is like, especially if it comes to family members and things. And, and so it’s just, I’m becoming a little more aware of that, but I don’t want that to, to dampen what I’m actually writing. And so just permission around , making things, writing things, being truthful. I want to learn more about, you know, Unmasking, and the ways I have been masking, and so like, permission to

To just be you.

Yeah. comes out, Okay, yours all work very well together.

I guess so,

I would say they feel more like intentions than resolutions. True.

Yeah. True.

Not that I necessarily know the full distinction. No,

No, I mean, but resolution sounds like it’s like something drafted into law and stamped and signed, um, that there’s a penalty if you

feels more like turning, turning course a little bit. Yeah, and

[00:14:00] Yeah. And just going closer towards something. You don’t actually have to hit it, but if you’re like, pointed in the right direction, then that’s, yeah. Then that’s what you should be,

I like those, that’s

How about you?

Uh, okay, well, mine’s very short and sweet. It’s in the gold category, and it is, uh, drink more water.

Oh my God. Well, you need to,

I know, I just, I think I have to become a Stanley Gurley.

Although, I just saw a thing where they were exploding. Some of them were exploding.

The bottles?

From having hot stuff in

Oh my gosh. Well,

so look into that before you buy anything.

they already ruined what date day three. What are we at?

gotta get a new bottle. Uh, new company.

But, okay,

Yeah. Drink more water. And honestly, I think that is always a resolution. So I don’t know what’s going to, honestly, that one I’m most daunted by.

You probably need electrolytes. drink electrolytes?

Um, I have a little bit of electrolytes in the morning before the gym.

Um,

day.

Oh, okay. Look at this, tips.

That’s what my naturopath has

Okay, this is I mean I so I’m working with a naturopath and I mean every doctor and person I ever see always tells me I need to drink more water But they in addition to a few other things that I’m gonna try and incorporate like the water and sleep I mean, we know the things Um, Dev makes fun of me that every time I buy a new water bottle, I’m like, this is going to be the water bottle that changes my whole life and makes me hydrated.

And then do you lose every single one?

Uh, yeah. Where I just don’t use them. Yeah.

We need to, um, just attach a little camelback thing to you all the time. Yeah. Maybe you just need to go to a sippy

Well, okay. One thing I will say for folks working on goals and these types of things is, , a thing that I have that has helped is tying it to something else I already do. So,

Marker

 What I do in the morning is before I have my coffee, I fill my mug up with water and so then I have [00:16:00] to drink the water before I get what I really want, which is the coffee.

Um, I forget what it’s called, but when you kind of like pair, pair things, um, but that only takes us till about six 30 in the morning.

And then, and then you don’t drink anything else. Also you don’t actually don’t want to drink a lot around mealtime

okay. Why is

it dilutes your digestive

okay. You just want to focus on the

So yeah, eat and then like within, I guess at now or half an hour, an hour later, that’s when you can like drink a bunch and then same thing.

Okay, maybe we need to do like a New Year health nutrition episode. We got some, got some tips.

get an expert on here.

Um, cool. Yeah.

I think

that’s all I

 

have.

That’s all I have. So hopefully this keeps us

We’re set for the new year then

 We don’t need

don’t need to change. Change anything else. That’s

Dialed in.

Dialed in. done.

, uh, yeah, folks are listening and you’ve made it this far, uh, we’d love to hear some of your resolutions or intentions or goals or just even things you’re thinking about, uh, for 2025, because we’re hoping it’s a good one.

This has been another episode of Dear Queer. Just a reminder, we are not actually experts. Any advice given should actually come from our experts who we will bring in from time to time.

Music brought to you by Sean Patrick Brennan, produced by myself, Lauren Hogarth, and your host as always, Alena Papayanis I’m cutting that.