Back to Reality

​[00:00:00]

I have lots to critique about the entire,

the entire franchise, I think that there’s something kind of randomly queer about the fact that they’re all pals and all dated the same person.

Welcome back to Dear Queer. We’re all feeling a little fuzzy this week. I’m a little sick and they have just moved into their wonderful home, which we’re currently in.

It’s our first episode here. So we decided to kind of give ourselves a bit of a break and we are doing another episode on reality TV because there’s constantly things to update each other on. So, um, that was our reasoning and I’m excited to get into it.

That’s also what you watch, uh, when you’re sick.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I, um, dove into Vanderpump Villa today and it was very much the same as you would expect from any of the shows that she has.

, there’s always one, or two, or three overly macho Men who are like obsessive and jealous over their, their exes who of course are on the show too, as a natural way to create some tension. Um, and truly it was basically, Like, you could, you could probably guess some of the things that happened on the show, it’s so formulaic, you know?

We almost got in like, uh, um, accident in L. A. over Lauren shrieking while I [00:02:00] was driving at a billboard of Vanderpump Villa and being like, Oh my God, babe!

Oh my God. What is that? Is that a new show? Do I have, is that a new, is that Lisa? I was like, I guess it is. I don’t know what it’s about. And then when we went and picked up our friends who had flown in to LA, Lauren made a point of being like, okay, guys, watch, look, there’s a Vanderpump Villa billboard,

I mean, I do, do like Lisa. I think she actually is quite a reasonable human.

What?

I like Lisa. I

is a hot

I think she’s pretty reasonable. And it’s too certain to your, I, you know what I do

what?

you know what I do like. And maybe it’s all performance, though. Maybe it’s just all

it’s just like Ooh, that’s true. Okay, so yeah, I have a feeling she’s no transfer age. No, no, no, no. I

mean,

Oh, that’s

that’s true. Okay, see, I haven’t been watching The Real Housewives. No,

say

that all implode, The Housewives?

maybe she just

likes to

You know what? Maybe she just likes to fill the kind of mom role and she keeps putting people around her to make her, cause that’s kind of what she’s doing in this episode.

Um, with a few people, I don’t know how to honestly, I don’t know how she picks them to begin with, but like she does like falling into that kind of like surrounding herself with broken, like, or like tiny little birds that

a whole, there’s a whole power dynamic and like we, we went back cause Dev is new. Okay, wait, we should also say, we’ve also enlisted my fiance, Dev for this episode because yeah, we’re fuzzy and we need the reinforcements

do you want to say hi and introduce yourself again?

Yeah, sure. I’m Dev, I’m Lauren’s fiancé. Pronouns are she, they. Um. don’t know. That baby bird comment really got me. What I was

but what I was going to say is [00:04:00] that, , Dev is new to, newer to reality TV, and so was watching Housewives with me, and that, because of all of the Kyle Richards, uh, queering, which we can talk about, but we have, since gone back and Dev is watching from the beginning of Housewives.

And so you also see Lisa Vanderpump in those earlier seasons before she burned all her bridges. And she has like some random house boy who lives with her. And there is like all these, I don’t know, curious dynamics.

Yeah, that’s, that was very much

the power.

thing where she was like, he’s, and I mean, his story was, I don’t know how truthful it

Yeah, I don’t know.

uh, she was very much like, take him under my wing and, and all that.

But, so yeah, it’s conflicting. So part of me thinks she’s reasonable, but how reasonable can you be if you keep, like there’s no way that she picked the best of the best for this villa. When I, when I

This villa is not

there’s no way they’re the best of the best. And like, you can imagine she would have had a lot of people applying, and could have had, like, really top shelf, um, workers there,

Can you help me out? Cause I actually, as excited as I was for that billboard, I actually don’t know what the premise of the show.

literally just the Chateau in France and so then they have guests come and stay at it For like a day or two or whatever and they have to yeah They have you know different like they have servers and bartenders and event planners and things and they’ll obviously the none of them get along

And they have to host, you know guests really rich guests, basically

me, I just like, can’t get over why these people

they

much money. There’s been so much, so many spin offs, so much going on. Like I just feel like they don’t need another show. Like I feel like they just need to chill and relax

Yeah, I think you’re right.

like

it seems like, I don’t know, Vanderpump Rules just did like the best season it’s ever [00:06:00] done in the drama of Scandavel. And, I just feel like she probably made mad bank off of that.

that.

And she could just chill. But instead she’s doing Vanderpump Villa. Maybe she feels fulfilled by it, I don’t

Maybe But yeah, you’re right. She’s gotta embrace the kind of George Costanza, um, mantra where, like, you get out when it’s

Yeah, just, Lisa. I’m done here

I’m done here, everybody.

for you.

was the show. Lisa, this

for you. If you’re listening to Dear Queer,

get it when you’re having fun, a la George Costanza, and also like and subscribe.

Yeah,

Queer. Um,

Come on our show

right

now?

Oh

my gosh, uh, we’ve been watching. I don’t know. Are we late to it the u. s traders?

we did U. S. Traders and now we’re on U. K. Traders because we were corrected, course corrected that the U.

No u the u. s traders the season two

is the one that we watched at least because we’re not trader experts so don’t come for us. The U. S. Traders season that we watched was I think season two of U.

S. Traders and it’s all reality TV stars from, pulled from other shows like The Challenge and Survivor.

Survivor. Phaedra, Pilot Pete, Parvati from Survivor, Sandra from Survivor, like it is stacked. People from The Challenge, there’s Housewives, there’s like,

a good.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay,

I will say that, um, Our friend Ben, shout out Ben, um, Ben corrected us to go to season two of UK Traders because it’s just normal people.

It’s just like everyday people, and that’s quite an interesting dynamic because there’s less performativity and actually more interesting social dynamics to pick apart, um, because they’re kind of, yeah, it’s interesting. But that is like, I feel like because we don’t watch anything anymore that has any plot or highbrowness to it at all, that is like the highbrow version of what we’re watching right now, which is insane.

is insane.

Alan Cummings hosting Traders is our highbrow.

Is our high bar? Yeah, [00:08:00] high brow. It’s like, oh yeah, like this is like elevated, which is insane. And the low, the low brow that we were watching is the valley, um, which shouldn’t be watched under any circumstances.

got this.

Yeah. The Valley is the cast

Is it old or is it new?

It’s brand new. Oh! Basically, it’s the cast offs, the people who got booted off of Vanderpump for

fighting Oh, actually, there’s some bad stuff. I think one of them had some Racism. Racism. And, anyway, the premise is,

There’s no

you can call it a premise, it’s like, we’re having kids now, and we moved to the valley, and we’re just as messy as we’ve always been.

Brutal.

And like they just, they are, and also, okay, the only reason I’m curious and interested in it is because their marriages are all just in

okay. is the, is the bartender terrible guy from Vanderpump Jacks in it? Who’s he married

He married, um,

one he engaged?

yeah, the one he

The one he cheated on.

of it. Yeah. She’s got the best Southern accent and I feel bad because I’m blanking on her name.

any of their names. I just know that there’s this one couple and they are so chaotic and so awful to each other. But not in like a, like a, Way that is like it’s just like this underlying creep of like like they just don’t like each other But the way that they talk is just so blunt about like they are just so honest and it’s like this really chaotic Dynamic where it’s it’s like very fascinating because I think I don’t know I know plenty of people whose marriages didn’t work, but Most of those people are kind of quiet about it or embarrassed about it or like don’t really talk openly about it What happened in the inner sanctum of their marriage, but these people just on TV being like yeah My sex life is about as interesting as the Sahara Desert and you’re like, whoa Like you’re just like that’s a thing you say about your current wife Like not about someone you’ve gotten divorced from but [00:10:00] like your current partner.

It’s just weird I don’t even know why we’re watching

why we’re watching this. I I think it was the second episode though, and I might have even been that same couple I thought there was an interesting moment where they’re Basically filming a couple’s therapy session and the um you remember what he what he

I mean he said lots of things, but he said,

I was just so fascinated that of in the like honesty and rawness of it of what he was sharing And I, I felt like you don’t usually get let into this side of someone’s relationship in this like very intimate way.

Did you watch Couple’s Therapy?

Yeah.

say we need a crossover show that’s couple’s therapy meets Vanderpump rules or

it’s like couples therapy, but

the valley.

Yeah. Yeah. But like they clearly need it, but it would be fascinating to actually, I don’t know, see if there’s anything under there. What’s

there I just don’t know. ’cause I can’t tell if that I, I sometimes I’m fascinated by these dynamics where it’s like these couples that are just kind of like don’t seem to really like each other very much aren’t very kind.

And are kind of lost but it’s like Is that because they’re on reality tv constantly and they’ve lost the plot or is it because a lot of couples are actually just like that And I just don’t know a lot of them or i’m not talking to people about that. Like, I don’t know. It’s weird It’s like I can’t

No, there were moments where

One of their partners was saying really

sad stuff about the state of the relationship and their feelings in it.

And it’s like her partner couldn’t even like reach out and be like, Oh my gosh, my partner’s hurting in this moment and like touch their leg or like connect. Like it was so devoid. No, they couldn’t. They didn’t. And it was just like, are you listening to what

you listening

to

saying? Yeah, it was interesting.

So, yeah, we, we can’t look away . Yeah. Um,

We [00:12:00] really can’t.

We haven’t, we haven’t followed up on, the

right. Wait, where

we?

we end up? Well.

It was before the finale,

right?

And then I think I texted you all and was like, have you all watched it before I gave any of my thoughts on it? I had to make sure we had all watched it.

Okay. So spoiler alert, the bachelor is over.

I was, there were just things along the way that

 There were just things along the way that.

I, that I noticed. And one thing in particular was, I want to say her name was Rachel. Was her name Rachel who came in third, came in third. Yeah. So one thing she would do is that every time she was offered a rose,

She would say something like, well he was like, will you accept this rose? And she would say something basically like,

Yes.

That bothered

me.

I

I understand why she’s saying it, because she realizes how much he wants to not be

Mm-Hmm.

But really is there nothing he could say

it’s

in your conversations that would make you say whoa, whoa, whoa, maybe this isn’t a good fit. And I shouldn’t accept this rose. Like what if it like major life

and move to,

are we going to live? Do we want kids? Maybe he says some like, like left side comment that you’re like, whoa, our values are way different. I had no idea. So like the always didn’t feel truthful to me or, or maybe it was genuine, but it, it didn’t, it shouldn’t be in my mind. You know what I mean?

what I mean? Absolutely, and it’s also giving Golden Bachelor vibes of like, I don’t, yeah, did we talk about this?

Basically, the Golden Bachelor, we didn’t watch the series, but I, I kept an ear on what’s going on, and so they had their big televised wedding, and now three months later, they are separating because, , she lives in New Jersey and he lives, I don’t know, somewhere that’s not New Jersey, and That’s why. They want to be with their adult families and whatever else.

And it’s like, [00:14:00] I feel like this is something we could have talked about.

Yeah.

Way to like not set

no, they were also on the always track, I guess. Did

 How do we feel about, about it?

Oh,

This like generals, like, I don’t know this season just felt kind of, um,

I mean, the Bachelor franchise is blah, but like, but Maria was the star of the show. And I did come around to liking, what’s her face?

Kelsey? Kelsey. Yeah.

kind of, I kind of came around the winner. First

him to pick Kelsey.

Yeah, it kind of came around to like her, we called her Topanga. I don’t remember if we said that on the last, um, on the last pod, but she just has that, if anyone remembers Topanga from Boy Meets World,

she has like this voluminous hair.

Um, and yeah, I feel like she kind of grew on me a little bit, but honestly, I am so sorry to Daisy and Kelsey, but I didn’t

Daisy and Rachel.

Daisy, no, Daisy and Kelsey. I’m like, I just didn’t find either of the last two people particularly interesting, but.

I liked that Daisy went to Kelsey

was

on that last

that was kind of a power move.

Yeah. And it was, it was just such

great messaging that would like, rather than it playing into the idea of like, it’s one woman against another and made the best woman win.

It’s truly like

the best match and it’s not a competition between them. It’s literally like who’s going to be happier together. And the fact that they could lean on their friendship in that moment too. And

special. yeah.

yeah. And um, I mean, Daisy probably just also really wanted to, to feel the vibe out and be like, Did you get validation? Because I did not get validation. I’m not feeling good. And just to confirm what she kind of already

knew.

I appreciated, I appreciated that aspect of it because it was like, If you were in that situation, you would of course be feeling the [00:16:00] vibe and the energy of it and it’s like To actually have them acknowledge it and kind of walk that through Felt more actually more real and honest than a lot of other seasons have much

as I was like, he’s a snore. He’s

a major snore. But I think that, um, I liked the There was a, there’s a queer, I’ve never watched a full season of The Bachelor, like I did this one, like really where

Until this year?

the whole time.

Um, and

while

I have lots to critique about the entire,

the entire franchise, the way that they do the shows, the people they pick, etc I think that there’s something kind of randomly queer about the fact that they’re all pals and all dated the same person. Um, because that’s like a very queer vibe to be like, oh, we all have the same ex and we’re just going to hang out and be like, we’re girls, girls.

And I like, I think that, um, the concept of being a girl’s girl is queer in and of itself. Cause it’s like, Yeah, we’re just like, we’re here for each other. We’re not here to get like, swayed by like, weird relationship dynamics or like, whatever. Like, we’re going to show up for each other. Um, and boys can be girls, girls too.

And non binary people can be girls, girls. It’s just how it is.

Yeah, I think there’s been an evolution of that. Of the, contestants on these dating shows actually showing up. Better for themselves and talking more honestly and up front because they’ve seen how other Casts members have stepped in it and like even I watch a love is blind as well

And they talk about it.

They’re like, oh, yeah I’m a girl’s girl like go and there you see them encouraging each other to go after their exes They’re this they’re that and it’s yeah, it’s fascinating

their that, and it’s, uh, yeah, it’s Did you think it was going to burn

him,

you think it was going to [00:18:00] burn him, though, at a certain point, like, because people weren’t sure where, where they stood?

I guess he was trying to say it in other ways and I guess he did a job, a good job of it. Cause Kelsey felt validated

still together?

Daisy didn’t, I think

are.

Yeah,

Um, and another thing I was going to say that was just interesting. I mean the whole premise is just so wild.

Like he’s there saying, I really need to be sure that they’re sure about me, but then yet they don’t. Don’t really get the same

sided

it’s this kind of one sided expectation. I know it’s so wild though, eh? Like, um,

I don’t know, maybe he knew that it was unfair, but at the same time sometimes it felt like he was kind of demanding

is a

This is a really weird parallel but I And you can get this if you are uncomfortable with me talking about it on the pod

on the pod.

Let’s goes. I’ll already just blush in advance of whatever you’re gonna

already just blushing the fans. Um, and, um, in a consensual open relationship model and once we were kind of in the dynamic was just seeing Lauren and it was interesting because there was like this point where we had this like come to Jesus conversation where I was like, I’m really into you and I would like to be, like a partner, your girlfriend, whatever we want to call it, in addition to whatever else you’re doing.

That’s totally cool. But I would like that status or that, like, you know, whatever. I want to be in a thing with

you. Um, and Lauren was like, I can’t. do that right now because the other person that they were seeing wasn’t ready for that step. And they were like, you need [00:20:00] to give me time. I need like

to be able to like,

get into it, blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, okay, cool. I can wait. And like it actually felt kind of weirdly affirming in the moment because I was like, you are really intentional about the way you’re thinking. And about the like, even though I would obviously have rathered the quick, Of course I want to be blah, blah, blah, be my girlfriend.

It felt very like measured to be like I don’t want to put this person, other person that I care about in a position in which they feel uncomfortable or like their boundaries have been crossed and so I’m going to take my time and like I hope that you get that. can have patience for that. And I felt like when I watched The Bachelor, I was like, Oh, Joey’s like doing this thing where he’s like, I’m not going to give you what you want, but I’m telling you why I’m not giving it to you.

And I’m assuring you that it’s not because you aren’t good enough. It’s just because like, I literally can’t in good conscience do that. And so for in a weird way, I was like, I didn’t have the same reaction of like, I don’t know, like I, I didn’t think like, oh, they must be insecure about it or something.

I was like, oh, that’s actually kind of affirming to have someone be like that careful with your heart. Cause if like, either like Lauren could have come back and been like, I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. And like, that would have been helpful to know that they didn’t lead me astray. Um, but then when they did finally come to me and ask me, it felt very, Important.

Like, it felt real because it was like, oh, we’ve dealt

with

I guess I’m contradicting myself a bit because I did appreciate that he took that measured approach in terms of like when he did say I love you and he didn’t say it to everyone.

He sort of waited, but I guess it was more maybe when he was in his own kind of insecure moments where he was like, I’m scared too.

Yeah.

that’s when I was just kind of like, well, they’re probably a little more scared.

you know? For sure. Yeah,

For sure. Yeah.,

I think in that time I, like, it, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I think it was, I was like, it was very clear that I wanted to move towards that.

it wasn’t, like, you provided me, but it was like very Joey.

You provided me reassurance.

Joey.

It [00:22:00] was so Joey. Um,

Or Joey’s, so you actually,

Joey so you.

you. I do love tennis in a gold

gold

You do, actually. Um, Um, No, you like provided me with reassurance that I didn’t, cause there was like a host of things you could have said that would have made me be like, Oh, this person doesn’t see this in the way that I do. Um, you’ve provided me assurance, but also didn’t like take the quick track because I think for me and people being like very intentional, especially in an open dynamic where you have people’s like multiple people’s

hearts on the line, it’s important to be like very intentional and like think about, everyone in the dynamic and you were like very careful with how you approached me and how like, in my opinion, obviously I can’t say, but like how you, at least in the way you approached me, um, held the other person’s heart in mind.

And like, I think that was like very Joey of you.

Good job, Lauren.

So I liked that about Joey. I can say that nice about him. The other, otherwise I think he’s a little bit boring, but I liked that about him. I liked that he didn’t, you know,

And Lauren and I have now adopted the

Oh, the wiping the

the wiping the tear away with the one, the single thumb, um, when one of us is crying and it really cuts a moment and makes it silly.

Cause it’s like if you joey the other person, then you can’t really be serious. You can’t really like have a, have a serious cry when you get joeyed.

Man, there’s a lot of crying on those shows though, too.

trauma dumping.

here.

Remember when the one woman, yeah. Remember when the one woman jumped on top of the table to try to get, when they were doing

that was unhinged.

remember that?

They were

At the fake wedding

yeah, yeah,

And then she literally jumped on top of the table to try

And it paid off. Didn’t she get the one on one time or something?

Rachel? Wasn’t that Rachel that

that Rachel? No, no, it wasn’t Rachel. No.

was Rachel that did

No, someone else. Yeah, I know. I’m surprised we remember any of their names, frankly.

I’m surprised [00:24:00] any of us have brains to begin with. Because all we do is watch this show.

my god.

Thanks for joining us on Dear Queer Dev.

Thanks for having me. I love it here.

Come back soon!

Bye.

 This has been another episode of Dear Queer. Just a reminder, we are not actually experts. Any advice given should actually come from our experts who we will bring in from time to time.

Music brought to you by Sean Patrick Brennan, produced by myself, Lauren Hogarth, and your host as always, Alena Papayanis I’m cutting that.