Single? You can be our Valentine!

Hi, Good. Happy, happy

Yeah, happy Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day.

So today we’re going to talk about Valentine’s Day, some options to do if you’re single, and also Valentine’s Day as a whole, as a concept, basically kind of how we feel about it, as opposed to any other day of the year.

Love. I’m a prepared

a researcher today,

, and I was like, where, how did this St. Valentine, uh, greeting card candy heart holiday start? Do

know, because I feel like I probably learned it at some point, but I’ve completely forgotten.

Well, you may or may not be surprised. There’s some, there’s some dark origins.

Not surprising. Yeah.

That’s the title of my

of my book.

Dark Origins. That’s funny.

Uh, okay. So if we go back to Romans, , there could be this emperor, Claudius, responsible because apparently he executed, uh, Two different men on different years on February 14th both named Valentine

Right.

And then so basically they started being celebrated for their martyrdom by the Catholic Church.

So that’s that’s one

one piece.

another thing and, you know, it’s all, it’s, we’re all, we’re staying in the [00:02:00] Catholic kind of Pope dom religious world. Um, the other thing I read was basically, , it was kind of as like an answer or to stomp out paganism. So basically there was this pagan fertility ritual in February and so basically the Pope proclaimed February 14th St.

Valentine’s Day and

Because the pagan, the pagan thing was bad, right? It was literally, like, basically assaulting women, if I remember correctly.

Oh gosh, um, might, might be.

I think something like that, so that’s why the Pope tried to be like, let’s, let’s not do that, let’s make this like, I can’t exactly remember, maybe I should quickly look it up while

we can. Yeah, I mean, anything around fertility and ritual probably wasn’t great for women, virgins, uh, any, anything in that, uh, era.

Men randomly chose a woman’s name from a jar to be coupled with them for the duration of the festival. This is the Feast of Lupercal. Something like that. Oh, I mean, sometimes a couple stay together until the following year’s festival. I love this. Over time, nakedness during Luper’s salia lost popu So I don’t know, but it seems like that might have been the it’s not telling me more, but yes. Basically there was, that was the pagan festival I had to do with. So yeah, I guess he was just trying to make it a, his own Catholic version of

Yeah, must must be, sanctioned by the Catholic

Yes. So maybe not necessarily as dark as I first imagined, but still

You

still probably some.

I’m, I’m, I’m thinking it’s safe to bet there was some problematic parts of that festival. Um, and then I guess it’s not until the Middle Ages where it kind of turns to this romantic thing. So there was this poet, and I’m probably going to mess up the name, by the name of Chancer, in the Middle Ages, who was the first to link it to to love.

Um, [00:04:00] and basically this marked the start of the tradition of expressing love and admiration in secret.

of expressing love and admiration in secret. what the first cards were about and valentines were some of the first cards that became kind of mass produced and it wasn’t always about romantic love though you’d give them to your friends you’d give them to like like anyone you loved it didn’t it wasn’t necessarily about romantic love

I personally love a friend card. Like, yeah. Our gym is doing this really cute thing where there’s this wall of valentines that you can send, that you just like write and decorate and can put up on the wall and it’s, it’s really cute.

You can send it to your, your gym

Right. And this is, I mean, this is one critique we could make a Valentine’s Day as a whole that it puts too much pressure and focus on the idea of romantic

Totally. Yeah. Um, okay, I’ll tell you one more funny thing I read.

So now we’re, we’re in Europe in the high court, kind of still probably middle ages, maybe. I read that they’re, In the High Court, female judges would rule on issues related to love on February 14th. Now, don’t fact check me. This is, this is just what the internet told me. But that it actually, what would happen is they’d get together and write poetry and play games and be flirtatious.

oh my God, I love this.

Can we, I wanna do this, this

Sounds queer. I’m just saying.

I wanna do that.

Anyway,

so those are, those are some of my, my fun facts.

Okay. That’s very cool. Thank you for those. So what I thought for today was partly we could kind of, you know, for people who are single and are looking to do something as an alternative to Valentine’s Day, what can they do?

But I also want to highlight things like we just said, how it puts too much pressure on romantic love. There’s other forms of love in your life that you can celebrate, whether it’s family or friends or chosen family or like whoever is meaningful to you. I mean, it could literally be your pets too, you know, like

Yes.

as it should be.

Right. So, [00:06:00] I think it’s important to broaden the focus on Valentine’s Day. And I, I do love the trends of like Galentine’s where it’s, you know, you go or you hang out with your, with your girlfriends. And I think that’s one, I don’t know, significant, like it’s a new take on Valentine’s Day. Thank you, Parks and Rec for that.

Uh, and Amy Poehler. So.

Pal Palentine’s?

Well, Galentine’s, I think, but Palentine’s is probably another, yeah, Palentine’s is probably another. Exactly. And then the other thing I want to point out, again, although we will go through like a list so there are things you can think of doing instead, I want to, I want to also think about like, why are we making one day of the year so important?

Like if Valentine’s Day makes you feel sad because you’re not, you know, you know, you’re not partnered or you don’t have a significant other or a girlfriend or whatever. I, I don’t want us to feel like it’s so deeply meaningful, or it should send us into a dark spiral

cheesy. You

know, and I mean, it’s so commercialized to at this point, and there’s so much pressure to do things for people that, I mean, it almost, I don’t know.

And also too, um,

Oh, I’m

just picturing, I’m thinking about your essay on the card, on like greeting cards and things like that. And everyone can picture the card aisle during Valentine, like leading up to Valentine’s and the pink stuff.

And it’s like all that stuff is also like the bare, like, Like the least you could do. It’s like, what, what adult actually wants like a teddy bear, a box of chocolates, and a heart card? Like, ew.

Yeah. And that shouldn’t, like, if that’s what’s saving your relationship

to yuck someone’s

shouldn’t be, you know, the thing that saves your relationship or makes your partner feel like you care about them.

Like it should, this should be something we think about all year

Totally versus like [00:08:00] getting little notes and it’s like I think you can have kind of like a Valentine state of mind throughout the year and and I mean that with like friends romantic partners Family members. It’s just like I think of it as just little small gestures and my personally My favorite ones are the ones that don’t It doesn’t cost anything, like sometimes, uh, you know, a note with your lunch or, uh, you know, someone thinks of you on their way over and brings you a coffee, those types of things I think are the, are the best.

Yeah,

’cause they’re, they feel meaningful and they, and they come out of nowhere rather than being prescribed Yeah.

Prescribed on a certain day of the year. And another thing that I was thinking was. It’s not on Valentine’s Day. Like I’ve been single for for a while now. It’s not on Valentine’s Day that I miss having a partner or significant other. It’s like, when When you feel like you could really use some support on a, on a day or you would like someone to be checking in with you or you need help with something and you just don’t have anyone around like it’s, it’s not necessarily that day that feels like, that feels significant, but it’s like those other times during the year when you’re like, you know, it would, it would be really nice to have, to feel supported in this moment.

So again, There’s too much pressure put on just that one day.

Let’s, so, okay, we’re taking the pressure off of it. It’s not just about the 14th. What are some, some things that folks can do if they’re kind of looking at this Valentine’s Day and feeling a little uneasy?

I mean, if you feel, if you’re really kind of triggered by seeing what other people are doing, just literally swear off social media for that day.

That day and the day after. Just don’t check. Like, because if, if you’re going to see something that’s going to make you feel bad, or you’re going to compare yourself to, [00:10:00] or you’re going to feel left out, then literally just go do your own thing, and, and don’t be checking in on that. Like, unless it’s your close friends, and you know, like, it’s something you want to check in on, but like, you don’t have to be, you know, Engaging as much as usual, if that’s something that bothers you.

And this isn’t to say, like, if you enjoy it, and like,

love the, you know, giving notes to friends and all that stuff, like, By all means, we’re not, we’re not saying like you have to write it off.

Oh, yeah,

you, you can embrace it. We’re, we’re here for the, the sappy stuff too.

Oh, absolutely. Like, and that’s why, you know, the, Galentines, those are all, are always amazing options.

And it doesn’t have To be on Valentine’s as well. It can be the day before or the day after

craft night.

right. You can do like anything creative. That’s going to be fun. And just like something that you love doing and that you will, I don’t know, just feel like immersed in and feel fed by. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, what else do I have here?

I mean, there’s the kind of classic treat yourself

Love

stuff, which is also from Parks and Rec. Treat yourself, yeah. So you could treat yourself to something, whether it’s if you can afford going to a spa, or going away for the

You don’t even have to pay to go to a spa. You could just like set up your own little homes,

like, you know, get that extra fancy bath bomb.

Yeah, and just like order in that night, or

whatever.

joint in the tub.

Exactly. Like take out, bake something. If that’s something you like doing, like whatever feels kind of,

Treat

yeah. Treat yourself like little luxurious, a little extravagant for you for that

I love that. Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever really done the like, go to a restaurant on Valentine’s Day or like, that just gives me the ick.

then you’re just, you know, you’re surrounded. There’s just nothing. It doesn’t feel as

as authentic.

Yeah, although it’s funny cause, so Dev and Haley’s birthdays [00:12:00] are like right around Valentine’s Day. Dev’s, or Haley’s birthday actually is on Valentine’s Day.

Um, and so I think we might do a double date. Uh, and if, if it falls right on Valentine’s Day, I’m actually kind of like, The sociologists are in me, or anthropologists are in me. I want to see people on dates. And I want it to be like, like I want to see

be observing everybody, yeah. See who’s uncomfortable, who’s not,

Is this a first? No. Man, could you imagine doing a first date on Valentine’s

I mean I’m sure, I’m sure people do it sometimes, but that seems crazy

too high stakes.

I mean unless you could do it almost ironically, to be like, look how ridiculous this is, like how funny is this, yeah. And just like going over the top,

Okay. Well, maybe that’s a suggestion. Go on Tinder. See if someone wants to go on a first

first date.

ironic Valentine’s first date.

yeah. And they probably won’t

please write in.

but yeah, let us know if it works for anybody. What else was I thinking? I mean, anything that makes you feel good, literally. Like, if working out is something that you love doing, or you know, like, going on a long walk or going to the gym is gonna give you, , the endorphins make you feel good after, just go do that, even.

, anything that makes you feel better than you did the few hours before you started doing it is a good Valentine’s Day option,

Yeah. I also love those, um,

the, box of Valentine’s Day cards in school.

like

yeah, That’s cute. That’s a

I think, send a bunch to some friends. I think that’s fun.

Yeah, you can set

Valentine’s exchange even if

Yeah, or like a cookie exchange.

Lots of options. You could go to events that are already existing, go to a comedy show, go to a concert, go to something, you know what I mean? Because it’s not necessarily going to be all couples there. So

And honestly, at a comedy show, chances [00:14:00] are the people who do go as couples are the ones who are going to be red.

and they’re going to get roasted, or at least they’re gonna, they’re gonna be involved in the crowd work.

So Yeah. Sit at the back,

Pro tip.

or on the side, and don’t make eye contact. Yeah.

But, but don’t, but don’t do it too hard.

but don’t not, because then you’ll also be

Unless, unless you’re way more outgoing than, And comfortable in that social circumstance that either of us. I

, I also saw, I was kind of looking up other people’s ideas, too.

Some people suggested volunteering, which I know we’ve talked about before, and I think this came up, I can’t remember which episode, the idea that, uh, you know, the fundamental idea there being that when you, uh, Give you feel good. Like, you know, there’s some benefit to that. So if you feel like volunteering and something that that’s meaningful to you or just something that’s in your city or locally, that’s also great because you are Doing something good for other people, and yeah, you’ll definitely feel better after that, too.

I like it.

I really think that’s all I have, pretty much. Oh, or the other thing is, so much of kind of doing something you love, uh, anything that makes you feel better, you can also just try something new, like maybe you sign up for, I don’t know, a workshop, to do something you’ve never tried before, pottery class, sewing class, , There’s tons of things that happen, you know, that are, at least in Toronto, there’s lots of little things going on all the time that are like that.

So you could just go on blogTO or on whatever, even find like a local clay studio or something and just see what they’re doing.

see what they’re doing. Go

Go to bingo,

sure. Oh my god, that’s such a

Oh my God, that’s such a great

Oh my god, I really

Oh my God. Maybe I want to do

do that. Yeah, I do to do

I’ve decided.

decided.

Uh, anything else you wanna say about like, being single or, I know we, we’ve said a lot about it in the past.

[00:16:00] I mean, I feel like there’s a general, general push away from online dating. A lot of people are tired of it. apathetic about it. And I think going out, just going out into the community, whether it’s like just doing stuff. And I think one other thing to do, which I’m trying to do right now too, is like finding new groups of people.

Because in any city, the queer community can feel so small. So I think that way you discover you’re like, Oh, I’ve never seen these people

you infiltrate like a, a, a different like queer pocket in

Yeah. And then.

where have y’all been this time?

Exactly, but it’s also, but it may, it expands your world a little bit and makes you feel like, okay, it doesn’t, it doesn’t have to feel as dismal as it can sometimes when you’re just like seeing the same people online or whatnot. So I feel like anything you can do to sort of expand your community, whether it’s you like to read, yeah, go to the East End, there’s like reading clubs, there’s movie clubs, like just to do anything that expands your world a little bit, you might end up with just new friends, but that’s great.

Also, you can follow Elena on TikTok and look at their queer events that they keep posting. So.

So, Oh, I wish we had an update for this one, but this will be too late for my Cinnabon

When’s that one?

On the 12th.

12th.

It’s a Wednesday. So this is coming at the next

Okay. Okay, so, well, you just had your Cinnabon event at the Duff Mall. Uh, there’s probably going to be some more events coming, so look, look in your

yeah, I’m trying to brainstorm different events. I might.

collaborate

with a friend and do, um, who’s a tailor and do like some sort of event in their space.

I’m thinking about, yeah, I’m thinking about, something for writers or just people who love to read as well.

And maybe [00:18:00] even , A literal like Gus taco Tuesday night where we just show up and eat tacos and mingle. So yeah, I’m trying to brainstorm different events for that same reason, that it’s, you know, bring people out to meet new people, no matter how introverted and shy you are. It’s always lovely people who show up and just are just open and just want to chat,

it’s like you take that one step out of your comfort zone and it can, can change the whole landscape of, of your social life and all that. So we love

Yeah.

so we’re all about just expanding think about expanding and you know, especially beyond just the thought of Valentine’s Day and it being So uber significant one really, you know, it doesn’t have to be that kind of romantic pressure It can mean other things to you and it can actually just be a really lovely day where you celebrate Whatever love there is in your life

there Music brought to you by Sean Patrick Brennan, produced by myself, Lauren Hogarth, and your host as always, Alena Papayanis I’m cutting that.