Break up Edition

[00:00:00]

Yeah,

not, it’s not breaking up. This isn’t a breakup. This is a, I’m not feeling it, I’d like to see other people and maybe

morph this. into a friendship. Yeah. And just be honest about that.

Oh, and Nick, um, sometimes the

chair is hitting the wall. I don’t know if you can pull it a little bit. Yeah, so it’s okay. Yeah, perfect

It only hits it if it turned really Okay, welcome to Dear Queer This

All right. Today on the podcast, we’re talking about breakups. This episode is coming out just after Valentine’s Day. So there are some of you who could be freshly broken up with. Hopefully not.

Ooh, who breaks up with someone on Valentine’s

there’s pressure.

There’s

pressure around the day and that’s when the cracks can crack open.

Right? Um, because there’s usually some sort of expectation attached to Valentine’s Day, right?

Like, and that’s when you can see mismatches and expectations mismatches and energy and vibes. And what did one person do for the other versus like, is that sometimes a very visible mismatch in how much effort has been put into that, right?

Totally. I think they’re, they have breakups around holidays, Hallmark or otherwise. Uh, it’s a thing.

It’s the ultimate test of a situationship. Are we going to do something for Valentine’s Day? Or are you just a friend I’m

a friend I’m dating? Yeah, um, so that beautiful voice you are hearing, we have our guest host back with us, Nick Rovers. Welcome back to the podcast.

Thank you so much for having me. I’m very excited about this

you’re like episode on breakups. I’m there.

Yeah, let’s do it,

it. I’m here.

Uh, yeah, we’re going to get into the good, the bad, the [00:02:00] awkward. , I want to know like any, any good breakup stories in the room. I’m putting you all on the spots. Is that too? Is it, am I coming, am I coming too quick?

I don’t know if there’s good breakup stories. I don’t have any good ones.

Um,

good for, good for our listeners

ones that wouldn’t require some backdrop or explanation, but I think what comes to mind for me are those breakups that.

Don’t stick. Those bends. I like to call them bends

on again, off again.

Yeah, where, or like, it’s, it is a break, but then it doesn’t last. And then you’re together again and then it’s, those feel like they end up being the most volatile breakups. That probably reflects the volatility of the relationship to begin with, but, and then they inevitably have to kind of explode. I think you mentioned an, uh, a relationship

like

you

had like that too, before where

it was this thing where like it had to blow up

Oh yeah,

there’s so much, there was so much pressure being

put on it. Right. That it, that’s the only way it could break was in a dramatic way.

. I try to put you on the spot, you put me on the spot. What

threw the ball right back. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah

this isn’t fair because Nick knows where all the bodies are buried. I

Okay. True.

good friend right

That’s a good friend right there.

bodies are buried. So, um, it was a very

 So it was an early relationship for me after coming out.

And I, there was just a lot of anxiety between us. Because it was new for me, she had been out a long time, I think that was a cause of concern for her. She wasn’t sure if I should be, like, dating more, and if I’d stick around, and that kind of caused her some anxiety. And then on my side, I had no idea what my, uh, attachment style was at the time, too.

And I feel like I, I, even if it didn’t feel right, like, I Break up, but then be upset about that loss of [00:04:00] a connection and then kind of want it back or I didn’t have enough, I didn’t have boundaries. So I’d kind of almost be talked back in to getting back together because I just couldn’t stand by my own feelings.

So that was, that particular one was the, was the most volatile one. I would say where it was just, it didn’t stick until it finally had to just. And in a, in a, in fireworks, you know?

I think it takes one person being a hundred percent done with it for it to stick.

Even if the other isn’t, it’s still not going to get back together because one person is a hundred percent done with the relationship.

And if two people are still maybe ten percent in it, or maybe it’s going to lead to confusion, it sounds like, that you went to. Because it sounds like this other person might have still seen something great or beautiful in the friendship, whether it be relationship or not, and it leads to Okay, let’s try it again, or let’s see if it’s just a pause, not a break.

I probably also didn’t understand that it was possible to still care for this person

but not be

in a relationship with

them. That was hard to balance at the time for me.

 I guess sometimes too there can just be unfinished business, and because you’re so used to being in partnership and working those things out with a person, you then have to figure out how you work them out with yourselves, and so sometimes it can be easy to go back and try and work it out through the person when you’re not quite done yet.

Um. Do we think that like the, I don’t know, I’m usually of the mind, even though I’ve, and probably a result of having some start and stop relationships of, you probably broke up for a reason, if it got to that.

Yeah. I mean that’s, that’s really true. Um, but not to say that, I don’t know.

Can you get back together, do you think?

It really depends. It totally depends and it depends on how much

time Yeah. Goes

by. Like if you’re. If it’s a long time down the road maybe and you’re actually grown up and like turned into kind of different

people

where [00:06:00] you might

be able to reconnect on a different level that might be different, but if not enough time has gone by, if there’s fundamentally still

things that are irreconcilable between you,

then it just seems like a recipe for, for like disaster and toxicity.

a recipe for, for, like, disaster and toxicity.

Signals of, okay, I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. You got to take them at

the word.

but if you know like their soul and you know that there’s, you, you trust that when they say they’re having second thoughts, they’re coming from a positive place, not from a place of fear or loneliness.

They’re coming from like, uh, maybe I made a mistake and I want to be vulnerable with you about that. Then, yeah, then maybe you could get back together, but I’m of the mind that if it, if it ended, it ended for a reason, like Lauren said. And it’s like,

it’s for the

ended, it ended for a reason, like Lauren said, and it’s like, it’s for the best. Yeah, and I think it’s,

and I think it’s, I think it’s normal or at least, you know, not uncommon for after a breakup to have those rose colored glasses or think about all the good times and I’ve certainly been guilty of, you know, , I, I think generally I’m pretty good of following my gut and my intuition and like, no, I, if I know a relationship is wrong, I’m like, okay, this it’s, I need to end this.

But then I’ve also, you know, ended things and then been like, Ooh, did I rush that? Or like still had lots of emotions and feelings to, to work out outside of it.

That? whole rose colored glasses thing is such a trap.

Like it’s such a, and, but

it’s such a powerful

thing because

there’s something that happens where.

Like, there’s a softening of all the, all the reality that made you break up in the first place, and it takes you back in [00:08:00] time to those sweet things, and those things that first brought you together, or those things that were good, and it can be such a dangerous, like a dangerous thing to return

to.

It’s

And I feel like heartbreak is one of those things. You see a show, you see a movie, you see a friend out and you just, When you find out that that’s what they’re going through, you immediately have this, Oh, I get it because we’ve all been there, whether it’s

to a

large degree, to a small degree, whatever it is, we’ve felt that, that breaking that

and whatever that means for us personally, but like.

If

we

all know, we know what they’re going through, that mix of emotions, that pain, that grief, that potentially confusing zone where you’re, where you’re like unsure maybe, or you look back at the good times and that’s also painful, like it’s, I feel like it’s one of those things that we all kind of understand.

I think it’s the, we can’t do a good job of hiding that we’re going through heartbreak or pain like that. So it’s, it’s like the most easily recognizable one and it’s the most genuine one. So when we see it on someone else, you’re like, Oh, you can’t even control how vulnerable but you’re being right now.

And you empathize with them for sure. So it’s, we’ve all been there. We all know it and we just want to help each other I think through it. But I think a lot of good comes from breakups as well. Looking back at all my relationships and how they ended, if it was me ending it or them ending it and the,

like with time, I look back and I’m like, Oh, thank God.

Like I couldn’t imagine still being in that relationship. Like it, while I look back with the rose colored glasses and like, cause I’m just ever the optimist and I just love people. I want to see the good. I’ll still do that. But from the relationship standpoint, I almost look at it as a separate entity and I’ll be like, that wasn’t good for me though.

And, and that, that needed to end. And it. It can even actually make you come back closer because it ended, whereas you’re kind of like getting on their nerves, they’re getting on your nerves. And so it’s just a natural progression for some relationships. [00:10:00] I think that is healthy

It’s, it’s such good learning ground, too, where you, you know, in relationships, you’re often figuring out what works for you, who you are, how you show up, and even if a relationship wasn’t a long term, uh, you know, partnership, doesn’t mean it wasn’t successful, doesn’t mean you didn’t learn from it, and doesn’t mean there wasn’t value and a lot of, like, beautiful connection to be had there.

There’s so many lessons in breakups, that’s,

it

doesn’t take, I feel like it doesn’t take me too long to get to them, like, just, suddenly you can see it for what it was. Once you’re not in it anymore, you can just see it more clearly and be like, oh, I see what I was

doing, or I

see what they were doing. And, It’s just such a huge learning ground.

It really is like a gift in some

ways.

Um, do you want to hear some listener breakup questions? All right. Hi Dear Queer, I love this pod! Oh, that’s fun. Thank you., I am wondering how I am supposed to get over my ex. The backstory here is that my ex is actually my sister’s best friend. And I have to see her all the time when my sister and I hang out. And I have to hear about her because my sister talks about her a lot. post her on Instagram stories and I just, I feel like I’m trying to take space to allow myself to heal and to forget about some of the pieces of our relationship that made me feel bad about myself, but I can’t seem to escape the reality that she’s in my life whether I like it or not.

This is a healing

course or this, or like an intense

healing workshop.

even in the way the question was formed, it’s like, oh, this person that’s in

it, Yes.

like it. Yeah,

 Do they go by she? I didn’t remember how you said who the caller is. Or who the listener is.

No, the, yeah. So what, yeah, I think for our [00:12:00] listeners and stuff, we just try and use, , neutral protons if we’re not sure. Sure. ,

there. I’m not sure.

Sure. This is one of those You can use like, let’s say they check their sister’s story and they see this person pop up

.and they

get a twang or a pang or a gut thing, whatever it is. That’s your opportunity to say, to look bigger and be like, what is it about this? Like it’s not this person per se, but it’s this feeling.

Is it of abandonment? Is it of self worth? What are those things that are, that are being triggered

that you can work on on your own? Separately from that, because that’s, it’s not really about that person.

if

both be civil and like, if, like, and be, and actually occupy space together. Maybe?

Yeah, and

I mean, it’s more exposure, maybe, than they want, so that, but it’s, if they can try and see it as like a healing,

Workshop to be like, okay, what is, what is the feeling I’m having here? And there’s, there’s no, there may be no logic to it or there is no logic to it. If suddenly I feel unworthy or I’m comparing myself, that’s something about that person that they have to resolve.

Like themselves, I mean,

that they have to resolve.

It’s not about that other person. So it’s. Connecting with that and saying, okay, well, what’s the narrative? What’s the story I’m telling myself when I see this person and I feel whatever. Oh, I’m telling myself I’m not worthy. I’m telling myself that, but that’s not true.

And just having that kind of ability to recognize what’s actually going on and separate it

from that

person and make it your own kind of healing

Yeah.

 I think also remembering that they’re in that awkward soup too, and maybe just bringing some levity to it of like, Hey, we know this is weird. Mm-Hmm. Let’s just, we love, we love this person. We had love for each other. Let’s, uh, you know, just make the, make, make the best of it.

Yeah. .

They’re constantly checking their stories and seeing like it’s, it’s being bombarded, but they’re also indulging in checking [00:14:00] it, putting a break on that. Like, I know time and space has been a really necessary thing for me and some of my healing. So I think that this person can, yeah, you’re going to see them around.

I’m, I’m going through one of those things right now as well, but you’re going to see them around, but you can also just. downgrade them to a different level of closeness in your nucleus and just focus on yourself and your healing, but also sit with those feelings. Like you said, like when that pang or twang or whatever, sit with it and then be like, okay, I felt it.

Let’s take a minute to deconstruct what I’m feeling right now. And. Do some good positive self talk in that and realize that with time it will get easier and you will, you will feel better about them in the life, in your life. And clearly your sister still sees the beauty in that person, even if there is some pain involved.

And it’s like, just time will help

you.

It will.

Nice. Okay, I have another listener question for us. Hi Dear Queer, , she, her, 20 something from Toronto here. I have been on four dates with this new person that I met on the apps, and I’m just not feeling it.

What

they have on offer isn’t what I need in a potential partner, so I know I need to end it. , I really want to end it via text, because to be honest, I just don’t have the time or emotional bandwidth to call this person or schedule another date in time to end it with them It’s only been four dates, right?

So it’s four dates too many to break up via text. How many dates is too many to break up via text?

I, I think that it’s, this isn’t a breakup, it’s, it’s dating, you’re dating this person. And I think regardless of the way you do it, whether it be in person or text, just do it honestly, doing kindly and with, with empathy for this person and what they might feel.

And if you truly feel that you want a friendship with them after the sooner and the more honest, the better. So don’t put, it sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself, um, and trying to get really ahead of like, I don’t have the time. It sounds like you’re avoiding that.

The band aid aspect of it, but again, you’re just [00:16:00] dating, like I think it’s, it’s okay.

And if you’re not feeling it, be honest with all parties involved. Yeah, I think

That’s, yeah, I think you nailed

totally agree.

Do you have, does anyone have any kind of break up go tos or best practices in the room?

mean, sometimes, so, especially if it’s only been four dates, well, I don’t know, sometimes text feels more humane in the sense

sense

like

on the one hand, It’s cold or,

but

on the other hand, there’s a humanity in it because there’s going to be some emotional reaction that that person goes through and maybe they don’t want to have to go through that in front of you.

Yeah, it might be the better thing to do it over text sometimes, depending on what, how the dates have been going to, yeah, to give them their space to sit with it and then let them think on their response if

they exactly respond.

It doesn’t

always, I know we see that in the movies of like, they broke up with you over text.

Like it’s, it can be a very much like we do everything over text. It doesn’t have to be, it’s just the way you do it

and the heart you put into it

Yes. Honestly, yes. Absolutely.

is much worse. So. I think it’s a nice middle ground.

Yeah.

Is there, yeah, so is there a finite or a set number of, you know, once you reach a certain number of dates, you

I think

if you’re in a relationship with a

person.

Yeah, that’s a good distinction.

That. I have a really embarrassing breakup. story I can share if you

Yes, please. Tell

Nick probably already knows this, but um this I broke up, we were in a relationship, we were dating, she was my girlfriend, and I was, , away, and she was staying in my place, watching my dog Brooklyn, and, , oh my gosh, I’m already, I already feel bad about it, because I hate that this is what happened, like I still feel, I think guilt or shame or whatever, but we were, we were just [00:18:00] talking on FaceTime, and , over the course of being away, I had just like, I got in my head, I was like, Oh, like, I deeply care for this person, but I don’t think they’re right for my life.

And then, you know, once I have that thought, It’s,

Yeah.

There’s no going back.

no going back. And so we’re chatting on FaceTime, and it just, like, the conversation they were asking, Hey, what’s going on? What’s wrong? Or whatever. Like, it was all over my face. I’m not someone who can, like, hide

You’re genuine for better or worse. You’re very genuine.

And it, like, kind of tumbled out of me, and it literally, we broke up over FaceTime while they’re in my apartment looking after her.

My dog. And it was like, I just, it was, I felt so bad. It was like, I’m the worst.

like, this is not

I’m the

true. Yeah.

Yeah. You know

Like, this is not

It’s true. Yeah.

Yeah.

Feelings. No.

know, and nor should

you or nor is it fair to the other person to be misled.

Yeah.

I don’t think you need to feel so bad about that.

I, I was on the other end of a very similar story to that, where I was the, the person on FaceTime having this done to me, and it, it was, yeah. It was very painful and

I

was

Mm-Hmm. . Left like looking around like examining the situation of like, okay, I’m watching their dog.

I’m like, it’s great But it’s it’s I just in the end I got an honest answer and the the truth finally came out in a nice Humane way which I think helped because Yeah, the delay that goes on leading up to that is very jarring for that person, and it puts, it’s, it’s tougher to come back to a friendship after that dance to get to the truth, but the fact that the truth came out, regardless of even if it was overseas or whatever, like, it was meant, it was meant to be, and it was, [00:20:00] it’s important, so, I don’t know, have you spoken to this person

since? I will say they were super gracious, and when I got back, , we met up and sat down and actually had a proper in person conversation, and yeah, they were, they were super sweet and like mature and took the high road, so yeah, great person.

Yeah, when I

The way I saw it for me, I was like, great. I can. Have that many more like if they would have waited to the end of the trip to do it in person because I think that’s The chivalrous or nice thing to do.

That’s just more weeks of my life. You’ve kind of wasted in a

way So you kind of did them a service and one of my mottos is you might not like what I have to say But you can’t fault me for being honest and I will never fault someone for being fully honest with me No matter how painful it is because I’m like, oh you respect me enough to

And that’s

a good point because had you waited longer and then got back and then it might have felt like a you were taking advantage of them having them watch your dog this whole time.

Meanwhile, how

long had you thought of this already? So in a way, like you told them when you, when it came to you, like when you

realized it rather

than, so that could have caused more kind of

resentment

to be like, well, when did Lauren know how one, you

know? Yeah.

think it’s just like, we all have, you know, opinions of ourselves and I’m like, Oh, I just didn’t see myself as someone who would do that.

I think on the reverse of that coin, though, you don’t see yourself as someone who would go on a FaceTime, pretend everything’s okay, and then hang up the call when everything’s not okay without breaking up.

So I think it’s like, look at it from the other side of that. You would, like, you couldn’t not be honest with this person because you cared about them. Even if it wasn’t opportune, it was still like, I think timing is more important than setting,

What a good therapy session. I feel better about that now.

So we asked. Our listeners, what they do to help themselves get through a breakup. And we had a lot of responses actually. So one person said, keeping myself busy, , road trips, crying with loud music on, swimming, nature time, angry slash sad journaling.

Sounds very healthy. Uh, getting [00:22:00] all those feelings out. Another caller, or caller?

Instagrammer.

Instagrammer.

said,

be honest.

Yeah, good

pals, fresh haircut, no contact.

Ooh, I like the fresh haircut.

I like

I like the

I’ve done that.

Yeah, that’s

that’s like

just freshening it up, doing something for you that feels good.

Yeah.

Uh, one person said, Taylor Swift, half kidding,

lol.

I mean, she’s got a lot of good breakup songs,

so, you know. crying,

broken up with? Sure, good

Um,

crying into plates of spaghetti and emotionally painful friendships with all your exes.

I love it.

Um, weightlifting and yoga, yoga to feel hard things, weightlifting to feel strong enough to move

Isn’t That

Isn’t that great? That kind of gave me chills

actually. That’s really good. Uh, deleting pictures and blocking them on everything.

Okay. Wait, do, do y’all scrub your socials of people?

Yeah, this time I

did.

Nick

No, just, just archived and been like, yeah, I don’t want that be, it’s not part of my identity anymore.

That relationship I found was a big part of my identity, I think, to some other people. So I’m like, I’m going to make this a me page

again. Um, and I’m in a new relationship now and it’s more towards that. So it’s, it’s, it’s not like a snubbing, I don’t think. It’s just a, it’s a

rebranding.

It’s

a

it’s your fresh haircut.

That’s true. Um, I, I dated someone for long term while I was in LA and I didn’t remove them entirely from my socials, but I kind of, I toned down the more romantical ones.

Mm.

Yeah. So like, yes, they were like a beautiful part of my life and my history, but yeah, not the, a rebranding. It’s a rebranding.

I, and I’ve never blocked, I’ve never blocked or done anything.

It’s just more so what the public is seeing and, because that’s the first impression a lot of people will get of you. So I just wanted to make sure I was cognizant of

wanted to cognizant of that. What’s your go to? Uh, it really depends.

Um, I don’t, I haven’t

had a lot up there, to be honest, to delete. So I think I’m just more hesitant [00:24:00] to even get it on there to begin with. So there’s like less to kind of manage afterwards. Um, But it really depends on how I’m doing. It might be a full delete. It might, or, not block, but it might just be like, you know, unfollow for a bit.

Or it might just be a mute.

Just to give myself a like, bit of space. Yeah.

I think back to the previous question as well about the person whose ex is their sister’s best friend.

Like just mute those stories, take the time to just be honest with yourself about what you are or aren’t feeling about that person anymore and just kind of like make more time for you because it seems like you’re really framing yourself in the, being their ex. Just focus back on being you.

True. Great. Uh, we have a couple more. Tattoos. Obsessing over celebrity crushes. Romancing with friends. That’s nice. Uh, distance, which is difficult in the queer community. Time, therapy, not dating, acting like a fool, learning to love thyself. And, music, simply. And the last one is absolutely nothing. Time.

Yeah, Time is the big one.

Time is the big one.

Yeah. So if, if anyone out there is going through a breakup, take some time. I think our listeners have some good advice and yeah.

you won’t always feel this way

There’s a big wind up that happens like first date butterflies this this second date that are we official and it’s like this big upward climb we can’t expect it to just stop like there has to be a slow decline on the way down the same way I think it’s the same honoring of the relationship so just Just learn about yourself, like go over the lessons that you’ve learned as you’re doing that wind down, because that’s what helped me get confidence back and make me feel great about myself.

It’s just to kind of recenter back onto you because you put a lot into that other person end of the relationship. Put it all back

You’re

absolutely right. It’s that you have to become your center again, because sometimes it’s easy to lose yourself in

relationships

too.

And being kind and [00:26:00] patient. And if you, if you find maybe that while you are in relationship, maybe you let some of those friendships fall or something like that, maybe next relationship, you try and be more balanced. Yes. If you lost yourself or you know, things, the pain, the pendulum swung too far one way.

Yeah, because that’s another thing too, you can give up on those things.

Are you, you have less time for them. You don’t, like you said, you don’t spend enough time with friends. Maybe you do less of the things you love to do. And that’s true. It can always be a good lesson for next time to like, keep that fullness of your own life. And that person is a

compliment to

it rather than like, , such a huge part of it that if they’re gone, there’s a big gaping hole left.

part

yeah.

it that if they’re gone, there’s a big day for them all that.

And get back in there. after a breakup, the child in you just wants to love them, the teenager in you wants revenge, and the adult in you just wants peace. So I was definitely the child, the teenager, and the adult in all stages of my most recent breakup. And I’m just like, it’s good to just be honest with where you’re at with yourself, even if you don’t talk about it with other people, so you can kind of be like, Oh, I’m still into this phase of it, and, and

Yeah, I’m going through the teen phase still. Yeah,

I’m in my

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We

I’m in my goth

phase.

phase. Well, Nick, you, you can come back anytime, you’re great at this. That’s right. All the good

advice.

the good

been just following more self help pages and getting more into those kinds of posts and they’re recommended to me now. And Before this I realized that I had zero boundaries with people and, um, also abandonment issues that I could be like laying on the couch and I’m like looking back to my childhood.

I’m like, yeah, [00:28:00] yeah, yeah. So it’s like, it was such a learning experience for me. And I was like, man, I was trying too hard or I was really losing myself in a lot of these things. So I just feel so much more like. I just feel so much of a better person now. Like a boundary too, but like, Lauren’s a huge help in that too because we just talk about these kinds of things or just some of the language that Lauren has used since my breakup in helping me.

I’m like, I adopted it as my own now that I feel so much more.

Yeah.

And that piece part that you mentioned is so important because that’s the thing now you’re probably more attuned to things that put that piece out of alignment

and

you’re less likely to

say yes to

them because you have the boundaries there and you have the awareness to be like, to recognize that that’s not aligned

with what you

want.

Back then that I’m like, how did how did me how did I put up with that? But it’s because you didn’t you didn’t learn it yet You you were still very much trying to people please like I know you’ve spoken about before and it’s you you really do lose yourself in some of these things so you Coming back.

That’s why I said like just be honest with where you are and really make life about you again Because that’s what you didn’t do in that relationship

it’s likely

There’s this, I forget what it’s called, but there’s this Japanese tradition of when something, like, let’s say a piece of ceramic or whatever, or glass is broken,

where it’s

put back together

with, like, gold in

between it.

, It’s this idea that it’s

something,

it’s become more beautiful after having been broken.

broken.

Which I think is really like, really, we can apply it here because it is that sense where it’s like, not only maybe is there potential for that, whatever blossoms as a friendship potential between you and your ex down the road could be far down the road, but whatever.

But it’s also about your relationship with yourself when you put yourself back together, that hopefully there is a little, there’s more. To it now in a healthy way moving forward, and it is a little more beautiful. Like I’ve, I’m weirdly, I weirdly think heartbreak is beautiful

too.

It is.

I was literally thinking about that as you were speaking too. It’s [00:30:00] like, just when you take yourself out of the like, Oh, I was obsessing, or I was losing myself in the relationship. And it comes back to just, does this person respect me? Do I respect them? Okay, then the breakup can just lead to a new type of relationship I have with this person that’s based off that

Mm-Hmm.

And if you don’t have respect for the person you were dating, and you just want to get rid of them, and they’re like, you’re done with them, like, Take the full step back and move on so just as long as you can find the respect That’s the most important thing because if I’m not respected anymore, my boundaries are so high that I’m like you’re done Like I can’t not because I feel I just give respect to people so when

I don’t

get it back I very much I’m like, oh like I just shrink back down to little insecure kid Nick about why don’t they respect me?

I respect them and it’s like just be right with yourself

And take that single time to

there’s something to in that feeling of heartbreak and that sadness or that grief or whatever, that only makes the good stuff feel. That much more amazing when you do

achieve

it or find it

because like that contrast is a beautiful thing like you that love that you’ll find feels bigger and better because you’ve also felt that opposite,

this has been another episode of Dear Queer. Just a reminder, we are not actually experts. Any advice given should actually come from our experts who we will bring in from time to time.

Music brought to you by Sean Patrick Brennan, produced by myself, Lauren Hogarth, and your host as always, Alena Papayanis I’m cutting that.